I feel eggy

So once again it is that magic time in the fatty household. Its the monthly egg hunt. The herbs are working well and for once I am actually ovulating when I should and with all the right things going on so I am one happy little hen. So now I sit wasting time until my husband gets home so we can continue our game of cat and mouse. I was flipping thru the channels when I came accross what we teach teenagers about in sex ed class in school. I was totally unaware that most schools are teaching to abstain and then not giving any information on how to protect oneself. Now granted I did go to highschool in a city setting, but we were taught not only about contraception but practiced how to use condoms and diaphragms. At least I am aware so when the time comes to inform my son I know to stock up on bananas and condoms.

What I do wish we would have learned in sex ed is how the womans body actually works. Not the 28 day cycle they paint pictures of. But how things like advil and cookies can mess up your fertility or how boys lie. Yeah thats what they really should have taught us, but I'll try and stay off that for tonight. I really wish I would have known more because even then my body cycles were weird. If I had known more could I or would I have done more to preserve my fertility. Would I have thought twice about things? Unlikely but I would still have like to have that basic information.

I was fortunate enough to have dodged stds from mr A. I don't know how since he mated with any girl who would spread for him. I still haven't figured out my fascination with him either. Some of my strongest memories are from that time, notice I didn't say fondest. I will forever remember that red jeep pulling into my driveway. It is just etched in my mind. But thankfully I also learned my lesson and remember how he said I was so special and then whored himself around. That is how I learned that boys will lie to get into your pants. Is that something we all learn by being stupid? Anyway now I'm just babbeling. Oooooooh I better shower my husband will be home soon.

present

Okay I'm here. I'm just still recovering from being scared shitless on chattys blog.

Not really. Okay I was almost scared enough to soil myself but that is besides the point. I was the lucky recipiant of a really high fever for a few days so I have been doing pretty much nothing. Today we finally got all our trees and bulbs in the ground. I will post tomorrow, just letting you know I hadn't fallen in a well or anything.

tagged....

I have been tagged by Lukossmom . It amazes me what excellent timing she has because today I had jack to write about.


1. What were you doing 10 years ago
Lets see, that would make me 18. So I was going to college, dating A (which we all know that turned out to be shit) and trying to kick that oh so annoying drug habit.
2. What were you doing 1 year ago
Hahahahahaha I was sitting in my room crying and screaming. I had given up on losing weight or having a baby. It was a bad bad bad day. The day before was great though.
3. 5 snacks you enjoy
Grapes, oranges, mmmmmm chocolate, nuts, trial mix
4. 5 songs you know the lyrics to
Theres a lot of them but I think the ones that stick out the most are Everlong (foofighters), Girlfriend in a coma (smiths), Island in the sun (weezer), Ramona (Sublime), and Purple rain (prince)
5. 5 bad habits
You mean I'm not perfect? Oh okay. Swearing way too much, being disorganized when it comes to anything paper, procrastinating, forgetting appointments, and eating too many sweets.
6. 5 things you like doing
Playing in the dirt, mailing postcards and letters, exercising, camping, and going on vacation
7. 5 things you would never buy, wear, or get again
I wouldn't have gotten my various body parts pierced, spandex, IUD, a honda, or a dell.
8. 5 favorite toys
My husband, computer, camera, bike, and board games.
9. 5 people to tag
I hate tagging people so I'll just tag Jennifer and let the rest of you tag yourselves. Oh my that almost sounded dirty...

Have a heart

Yes my dears that is my valentine to all of you. It's a rather funny holiday isn't it? It was totally made up by money hungry companies, but women being the emotional creatures we are eat it up. We are exchanging cards tomorrow, but are gifts will be here this weekend. What did we get each other? Not jewelry or handcuffs. We got trees. I got a white cherry, my husband an asian pear, and my son a fuji apple. I couldn't think of a greater gift then something I can eat until I die. No, it really is what I wanted. Just like last year for our anniversary I asked for and got tons of plants and bulbs for my garden. Weird I know, but its also great because every time I go outside and see my beautiful yard I am reminded of the two men I love the most.

When we bought this house the yard, like everything else was in horrible shape. After we got the plumbing to stop leaking and the plugs to stop spitting sparks at us I got the grand idea to plant a few flowers. It started out modestly enough with a few dahlias and some sunflower seeds. My husband officially knew I had a problem when he came home from work at 2 am and I was sitting outside with my seeds and dirt still going at it. In the last few years we have established a vegetable garden, planted some trees, and made some nice flower borders. But last summer I took on a bigger task and tore down the ugly ass shed that took up half of our yard. No our yard isn't small, its just that shed was in a horrible spot and half the size of our house. Now that it is gone we have visions of flowers and a flagstone deck area with a big brick bbq and oven. Why all this trouble? Its easy, we spend more time outside than we do in. But besides that I think it keeps me calm on the days that bills are due, things overflow, and kids staining my carpet.

So for us the trees are great and I can already picture myself teaching my grandkids how to pick the cherries at the point right before they get to sweet and start to fall off the tree. Or picture my nieces and nephews running around throwing apples at each other. Sure I love chocolate, but I can have that any day. Happy valentines day everyone!

Yesterday was an unusual day here in Oregon. The sun came out, the rain stopped and it was just beautiful. So I managed to crawl out of my feeling bad for myself pit and took my son to the park. I walked laps and he played with all the kids that had managed to break free for the afternoon too. While I was walking my laps I noticed a group of women. A large group. Not a lot of them, there were only four, but each one weighed at least 300 lbs. They were sitting on a bench eating. Why was that such a site for my eyes? Last summer that was me, and after seeing my son get teased because of me I swore it would never be me again. But what really pissed me off was the number of kids each one of these women had. Talk about a punch to the pre menstrual guts. Its amazing what can come so easily for some and is such a struggle for others. I finished me laps and jumped onto the jungle gym and played with my son. He will be the first to tell you he's glad mommy isn't so fat anymore ( you have to love the honesty of children) but he is also the one that ask me every week or so why we aren't having a baby yet. I always say mommy and daddy are trying, but we just have to wait our turn. I'm tired of waiting. Anyway, I'm done thinking about this crap until next month.

I also got a chance to do some garden work and have decided to build a new little flower area for my husbands mom in our back yard. It gives me a bit of a project to work on for the next month or so. I see a lot of yellows and whites happening. So now I think I'm going to brush my teeth and maybe my hair and head off to the garden center.

Pants on fire

Okay so I lied. Well I thought it would be easy but this month I seem to be coming up against a bit of frustration. It will work it self out with the help of some chocolate and wine.

Bowled over

Well everyone has finally stopped whining and appears to be healthy, which is good because my patience was starting to wear a little thin. Its a good thing I didn't bet on the superbowl because I would have lost. Big time. So what did fatty do today you ask? I took 5 teenage girls to the mall. Yes, it was as bad as it sounds. Whenever any of my neices has a birthday they all ask aunt fatty to round them up in my oh so cool minivan and take them to the mall so they can stare at boys and try on makeup. I have no problem with this at all. As a matter of fact I prefer it over spending time with my evil sisters in law anyday. My neices are all between 12 and 16 years old and very very VERY pretty. It seems like today every pervert that stalks asian teens was out today in full force. I thought we would be safer since it was the super bowl and I figured most creeps would be pre occupied. Wrong. The number of stalkers and creeps were mind blowing and they made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Tomorrow I am asking all of their moms to either put them in self defense or have one of the men teach them how to fight there way out of a bad situation. I can see teenage guys staring or even starting conversations but when a man who looks 50 starts to follow young girls some bells go off in ones head.

Yesterday I ended up in that consumer hell known as walmart. Don't ask me how, but it happened. I don't understand why people just let their kids run around creating hell. Here's a tip for you who don't know. ...... if your kids can't behave don't bring them out into public....EVER. I don't want to be hit by them, yelled at by them, trip over them, or want to hear them screaming obscenities at you. I don't feel sorry for you, but I would like to smack you with something. My son went thru that stage and you know what I did? I kept his little ass home until he decided he got bored enough doing dishes with mom that he would behave. He knows that if he doesn't behave there are some serious consequences that will be dealt out, the first one being leaving whatever we are doing immediately. Control your damn kids or keep them home. Ahhhhhh that really makes me mad.

We went out for dinner tonight and had some mexican food. It was a nice way to wind down the weekend, and it was made even better by the shot of tequila. I don't think our mission to get knocked up was successful this month by the tell tale spotting going on and I have to admit that I am a little frustrated but not suprised. Its weird coming to terms with the fact that you are damaged, but each month it seems to get a little easier. Maybe its because I know we can adopt, or maybe its just because I'm tired of kicking myself in the ass every 30 days. I'm just happy I can live with it.

oh hell

What is white and screaming and feverish all over? If you guessed a six year old with a major ear infection and a 38 year old with a cold you would be absolutely right. It was funny because during my sickness I was expected to cook, clean, launder, and keep exercising. The two MEN of my life get sick and suddenly the world comes to a screeching halt. What is it that makes men such babies?