wait

I was going to blog last week because I know this must be on the top of everyones to ready list (I'm sure you can also see the giant eyeroll that slipped out as I typed that) but had to wait because my loving husband wisked us away to the beach for a bit. I was finally able to relax. I shopped a bit at the outlets, ate food I usually shy away from, took the longest hottest baths in history, slept alone all spread out like a starfish on a rock, and most importantly I think I achieved my goal of digging the worlds biggest hole. Giggle if you will but we comfortably fit four people underground. Yeah it was that big. After we added some logs as a roof and my sons sweatpants as a flag I was just amazed at our creation. Add to it a campfire and some clam chowder and you can see how I was in heaven. I cannot wait to go back and do it again in August. I feel revived and refreshed. Ahhhhhhhhh, it probably won't last long though.


Speaking of spouses mine turns fourty on the fourth. I've planned an evening full of sushi and gallons of sake so all should go well. I'm having a hard time deciding on a gift. Usually I just end up getting something, but 40 is a milestone and I want my gift to be good. Scratch that, I want my gift to be the best. Ties and such are no good because he is buying a new suit before our friends wedding in June. Watches he breaks every god damn year. He has all the sporting stuff he could ever dream of and so that leave me here banging my head against my monitor because I know time is almost up. I'm sure it will come to me, but I just hope it hurries.


On the garden front I have almost everything either in the ground or in the little green house things getting started. So now I just have to wait for it all to bloom. It seems like I'm always waiting for something....

My sons spring break is over on monday and I have to admit I will miss having him around. We went and seen that ever so popular turtle movie the other day and it was nice for it to just be the two of us. I love my son and thats why we haven't told him we are trying for another. I don't want him to see my desire to be a mom again as him not being good enough. Even with all the stubborness and grossness (he is a nose picker) I could not ask for a more wonderful child.

Coming out

I am convinced that somewhere deep down inside I'm really a gay man. Maybe that explains my lack of pregnancy..... I mean I really think I qualify. Love of tacky shoes .... check, having bravo and all its wonderful shows like project run way and top design being the most viewed things on my tv... check, weird obsession with seasonal hats, check... I could go on forever. The one thing that seperates me from the herd of gay men has to be my love of dirt.

My computer is a douche bag

No seriously it is. I am ready to throw this damn thing out the window but then I would have nothing to do so its really a love hate situation. The rain is back today and it looks like my period is starting so this day could be better. I'm actually listening to doctors advice and taking a rest cycle or two to detox my body so I can try again. This femara gives me the worst acne and even though it has extended my luteal phase I still start spotting when I would have started my period anyway. BUT I can say the progesterone has made me feel better and much to my husbands relief made my pms vanish.

Not much else to do but go have a last candy bar

Is this thing still on?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh the smell of spring. Almost makes me forget I've done nothing but wallow in anger and frustration the last few months. I feel renewed but there is really no telling how long that will last. So for now I am turning my attention to my yard and wondering what changes I should make this year. I'm thinking of adding blueberries because the ones I buy at the store are always sour and it makes me want to slap the produce people. Mhm, I think it will be blueberries. I'm still waiting for my beloved pear tree to actually provide some fruit so heres to hoping this is the year.

I just haven't had much to blog about lately. I have been the victim of the worlds largest and longest brain fart. I had my focus last week but it was thrown out of the window when we decided to go on vacation in june. I know it seems far away but at this point I am desperate to go anywhere so now my head is swimming with ways to get rid of this last 15 lbs before we go.

On the entire shitty uterus stubborn ovaries thing I am on a break for my own mental health right now. I'm tempted to try something on my own and forget to mention it to my dr but we'll see what happens.