Our summer challenge

We thought we were going to try that entire baby thing again this summer but obviously the universe sees otherwise. (I will go into this on a later post) So instead I've decided to throw myself into something else. What is it? Being the biggest cheap ass I can. After going over the budget I see little cracks where money seems to be leaking out. Kind of like weather proofing the house we are going to weather proof our finances. I had mr.fatty hang a clothes line for me which I think is going to be the biggest money saver. It seems like we are running the dryer constantly. We planted our garden full of veggies and fruit so hopefully once those start to mature we won't have to spend so much on groceries. But really my mindset has just changed. When I go to the store now instead of "oh thats cute" my brain automaticly goes " do you REALLY need that". It's something that will take me a bit to get going because I need to gather all our info so there can be full disclosure. I'm not sure if this will remain here or moved somewhere else but I'm excited about this idea. I know I have personally wondered what people made, where it went, and how they budgeted and stayed on track.

Happy birthday B!

Ha, right after I wrote the last post B fell and landed on his nose. It doesn't look that bad in the picture but now that its all scabby it looks so gross. And he also hit his head on the hotel coffee table. Birthdays can be a bit rough but it didn't seem to bother him one bit.








Since we were at the beach we had pumpkin cupcakes at the hotel. B thought this was okay, but was really more interested in what his brother was doing.

Ahhh, my two boys. Quite the age difference huh? Thank you secondary infertility. I appreciate it. Stupid ovaries. I've started to ignore people who ask me if B was an accident. This day we just relaxed and enjoyed our family time. I'm a bit behind on blogs...we are still unpacking because when you have an infant you have to take half the damn house anytime you go somewhere.

Perfect Parent Syndrome

I have got a fantastic idea. Can we as women, as moms quit being so damn judgemental? I'm not talking about you guys. But lately I have been so overwhelmed by all the 'perfect' parents around me. I can ask a question about anything and I'm met with "oh my child walked at two months, composed a symphony at 3 months, got his phd at 4, and was able to recite all the names of the seven dwarfs in alphabetical order while blindfolded all by 5 months. Well, shit on me then. Yes, I'm aware my son is 'still' babbeling and he's almost a year old. Yes, I know he still falls down a lot. Yes, I know he is chewing on a twig.

Its too much. We ALL have our moments. I don't know a single parent who hasn't had a bad moment. Some of us are just blessed to have more than others. Can we all just admit we aren't perfect parents? PLEASE.

I'll go first. Today my son ate what appeared to be a beetle. I'm not sure, but the leg he had stuck to his tooth did indeed look like a beetle. Such are the hazards of gardening. Anyone else care to confess?

Anyone ready for a tmi psa about the penis?????

I'm going to use frank language here. Just a warning

For a few months Mr.fatty has randomly been losing erections. He would go from fully aroused to flat in well a second flat for no reason. He didn't know why and I must admit it made me feel like shit. Like I'm not self concious enough now my husband couldn't even keep an erection. It made me feel unatractive and unwanted. It ruined our 5th anniversary. We barely spoke, didn't even kiss. Well you get the picture. So life is moving along and I make a routine appointment for him to get a check up. His dr ordered a full panel and then everything became clear. His blood pressure was elevated and his cholesterol was through the roof. The dr said one of the indications of heart issues can be sudden loss of erections. Well there is something I did not know. The dr said undetected he was definetly on his way to a heart attack or stroke. He is only 42 and maybe 10lbs overweight and exercises all the time. I can't imagine not having him around.

So now we have been turned a bit upside down and are having to change the way we do everything. Some of the meds do lower male fertility and for now we are trying to avoid them, but it may be something he has to do soon. Since mr.fatty had low volume and a high amount of abnormal forms in the first place I just don't know where this puts us.

I know this is common but it scared the crap out of me. We really do have to start taking better care of ourselves. I started by cutting out sweets and doing that jilian M 30 day shred video. It was painful....I definetly feel shredded now.

PCOS sucks ass

Really it does. In oh so many ways. It just feels like this battle in my body every single frickin day. Not just to ovulate but just to bring it into balance. If I take a week off from exercise I balloon out. The adult acne is great too. And the apple body shape? Oh joy.


Seriously I hate it.

I posted a while back how I missed spring and longed for it to arrive. It did come, although a bit late, with quite a bang around here. Everything seemed to open and just made me feel like we had infact come to the right decision. What decision you ask? Well I'm sure everyone remembers how I kept going back and forth on if we should ttc again or was our family complete. I fell into the complete category, my husband did not. Last week something changed. I'm not sure if it was that B started walking, or my ovaries kicked back into gear or I finally lost my mind....but we decided to stop preventing pregnancy. In June we will be moving to actively ttc again. I'm not sure how this go for us, but right now I'm just totally at peace with this decision.

In the mean time enjoy the tulips! I took this at the tulip farm and have a lot more I want to share with you guys.....maybe I'll get in for next weeks show and tell.

UPDATED!!! Anyone waiting for an update?

Well me too. The dr returned our call but I was napping with B and missed it. When I called back the medical receptionist said I would have to wait until this afternoon. I have been in a full blown panic since then. Anyone want to pace with me? I'll update as soon as I know something.

B IS OK. His blood panel (and they checked everything) came back ok, but he is anemic. Not good but not really bad either. Phew. Dr said it is most likely a sprain and to use motrin if needed and try to keep him off of it. Yeah that should be fun. I cannot say how relieved I am.

I really don't know how some of you do it. Moms of kids that have medical issues have an all new level of respect from me after today. It started a few days ago when I noticed B was favoring one leg and not wanting to crawl/cruise on one side. Then yesterday even the slightest bit of pressure on his leg would cause a horrible round of screaming. So today I took him to the ped and they ran xrays and they came back fine. Phew. But since the dr seen he was still pulling that leg away from being touched and not putting weight on it she decided it was best to do some bloodwork and make sure everything is okay. I was totally unprepared for this. Now keep in mind he had just screeched his way through his sore leg being held down for an x ray. We went into the lab and I was feeling like an ass. I knew it was needed but damn it my baby was going to be hurt. The phlebotomist was good and only poked him once. He did have to dig for a vein a little bit (Sorry B looks like you have moms crappy veins) but it was over quick. He screamed so loud I'm contemplating having a hearing test now....

So now I wait. I wait with a heavy feeling in my stomach for the ped to call with the results. I swear these few hours feel like an eternity.

WHAT?!?!?!?

Nevermind. He's a butthole and I'm a jerk and our day was totally ruined. Ugh.

Show and tell

**Cute baby pictures below**



Ready?




OK.








So Mr.Fatty got me a new toy and since it was nice the other day I thought we would go outside and grab a few shots. These were my favorites.

I just can't believe its been almost a year. It seemed like the time to get him went so slow, and since he was born it has gone so fast. I just can't believe it. So what are you showing? Wanna see what others are showing???? Go see mel and join in on the fun.

a lull

Sorry for the lack of post lately but theres been two speedbumps

1) I'm having my first pp period. IT BLOWS. And my milk supply took a horrible hit.

2) To distract me from all the crap that has been going on Mr. Fatty bought me a fancy new camera with all sorts of bells and whistles so I have been relentlessly shoving my camera everywhere it can fit for a few days. I will post some pics for show and tell this weekend!

As for my mother she has been placed where she can get help. I had to take a step back and let people who have the skills to help her do so. I'm so looking forward to having my life back to what I consider normal. Thank you all for your support, it is what kept me from cracking.

Spoke too soon

Do you know what happens when you speak too soon? Karma puts a big boot on and nails you right in the ass. I was feeling strangely optomistic after my last post. Sure things weren't ideal, but they were okay. I won't go into to many details because they are awful, but lets just say that there was an attempted stabbing, some hallucinations (scary ones) and an assult of a police officer and medic involved. She's now in the hospital, but they aren't taking it seriously. They keep labeling it as confusion. Its not confusion if she tries to kill you. The drs won't listen to me and I feel hopeless. I fear for my safety and the safety of my children and so for that reason she won't be coming back here. As for where she is going to go I have no idea. I have to walk away from the situation and that feels awful.


Does anyone have any personal experience with schizophrenia or any disorders of that nature? I really think that might be the case but need to know what kind of specialist to bring in.

Don't look directly at the baby....he's so cute he'll knock your socks off

He's just so handsome its no wonder I have been bitten by the baby bug again. Yes, I was the one who was dragging my heels, but I think I'm about to give in. We aren't trying for a few reasons, the most important one being that I am still breastfeeding and haven't started cycling yet again, the second being Mr fatty. Since his first SA came back so crappy and improved so much after vitamins I decided that he should start up again. It will take a few months, but hopefully we will both be ready at the same time. I think I'm ready but I totally reserve the right to flip out and change my mind at any moment.

As for the sitution with my mother its been tough. She was kicked out of the nursing home because her insurance won't cover it. She didn't have any friends, and none of her family wants her so she is here and I'm her caregiver at this point. She is such a pain in my ass. She refuses to drink water or eat anything besides sweets (she is diabetic) and most of the time doesn't take her meds. I'm just having a hard time. I treat her will respect and compassion but its. just. hard. We don't know how long this will go on so I'm trying to prepare for the long haul. I'm looking into counseling about the entire issue and we'll see how that goes.

The class of 2008

I cant post much right now due to a screaming baby right now but I'm so glad I can be part of this. Go visit the class of 08

http://cibele-hopeful.blogspot.com/2009/03/class-of-2008.html

a lapse in the suckiness

Today all is good. I played with my kids and spent a great evening with my husband. After yesterday (truly the shittiest day ever) it just felt great. I know tomorrow will most likely not be anything like today, but for a just a moment I'm enjoying all the wonderful things around me.