Hmmm

I assure you that many bananas were hurt in the making of this post. Finding myself 5 days into the two week wait I of course decided to bake something my hips definitely don't need. I have this recipe for banana bread that a friend gave me that is the next best thing to sex. Yes its that good. And its a one bowl few ingrediants thing so anyone can do it. Its soft and moist and oh so bananaish. Hungry yet? Heres the recipe:
4 ripe bananas smashed to smitherines
1/3 softened butter (unsalted)
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups flour

Begin by mixing the soft butter and bananas together in a bowl. Then add your sugar, egg, vanilla and flour in. Mix them in that order, making sure everything is mixed well before adding the next. Then add the baking soda and salt and mix one last time. Toss it into a loaf pan that is either buttered or sprayed with some of that non stick stuff and put it in a 350 degree oven for 55-65 minutes. I find the cooking time depends on the bananas, so start checking it with a toothpick at 55. And try not to eat the entire thing at once. I baked mine today at 3:30 and it is all gone already. No, I didn't eat it all. I only got one piece before my husband and son finished the pan. Shhhhhhh but don't tell them I plan to make one tomorrow too.

Besides trying to add inches to my waistline I am doing well on my knitting project. I am about half way done with my first scarf. I know its not incredibly fancy but for someone who isn't crafty I think its a huge deal. I'm uber excited because when I'm done with the scarf I have some knifty circular needles to try to make a hat with. I'm sure I will end up un raveling a lot of yarn before I get it right but it is keeping me busy. Actually this 2ww isn't hard because I'm not expecting much. I say that now, but in 5 days I'll probably be pacing a trench in my hallway.

I am stunned by the fact that my son is starting first grade. I still refer to him as my baby and that is getting hard to do since he is now reading the bedtime stories to us instead of us reading to him. I am so proud of the things he has learned, but it just seems like it has all gone to fast. And its one of those "by now" things too. When we took him to preschool I thought that by the end of the year he would have a sibling. Or by the time he started kindegarten. Maybe by the time summer started. I definitly didn't picture having a first grader as an only child. As we went out to dinner the other day we seen this woman smoking, pushing a stroller and yelling at three kids trailing behind her. Its hard not to wonder why she can and I can't. People have asked me before why I don't believe in god. That my friends is why. Its not like I was some big believer anyway. But I find that being infertile and a believer is something that doesn't really fit for me. I'm not saying that god doesn't exist. I'm just saying that in my little world I don't see it. I've also never seen bigfoot, but I've heard he exist too.

The O syndrome

I've heard the horror stories of pms but really I'm not bad around my period. I have the exact opposite. Right before I ovulate I break out and get uber bitchy. I'm not sure why but it sucks. Its hard to have sex when your husband is scared of you. Anyway I have an egg to catch.

Sew damn stupid

Today I took on the task of finally figuring out how to thread my machine. Boring I know, but let me tell you after all the time it took to get it right I feel like I accomplished something big today. Not only that but I made a little pocket. Its now holding my sons poker chips but that is another story all together. Tomorrow I plan on trying to hem something and working my way up. Luckily a friend gave me a basket of big scraps to practice on so I don't feel like a total ass trying to figure stuff out on $6/yard fabric. I have seen some amazing fabrics and can't wait until I can walk in a store and actually pick something out that I won't be making practice pockets out of.

Lately I feel a bit something. I can't really describe it because I cannot find the word to fit it. My son is starting the first grade. We wanted to have a child shortly after he was born so that we could have children close in age. Well that really hasn't worked out for us. I still feel that we need a baby to round out our family. Some people we know are not aware that I was pregnant before my husband and I met. And amazingly enough my son looks more like my husband than he does me. Weird but true people. Not quite sure how it happened but I am happy that its that way. So now we come to the point that my husband is almost 40 and has no biological children. Its not that entire passing on the seed thing, its just that he want to experience having a child. Believe me the urge is strong for me too, but I will admit that his feelings have a large part in this too. The entire thing feels odd to me now. It feels almost automatic to grab opks out from under the sink and pee in cups. Sometimes I forget that this is not how the rest of the world uses the bathroom. But also I feel like a change has happened...I feel, dare I say....lucky. Okay lets not jinx it, moving right along.

My boob feels like it might fall off. No kidding, I'm not making it up. For some reason it is unbearable today. I did my monthly breast exam and didn't feel any different or any sore spots, its just a generalized pain. Having lost an aunt to breast cancer I am a bit worried by breast changes but this is nothing but pain. I think I will give it a day or two and decide what to do from there. Mr fatty is hoping this means my boobs will grow some more. They shrunk a bit from the weightloss but lately have started to feel full again. Like a D is anything small. I swear that man is crazy. At one point I shrunk down to a C and I loved it. Finally I could wear a button up shirt without it gaping open. It was shortlived but I did enjoy it.

Time for me to hit the sack, we have a long day at the lake planned for tomorrow.

The one where I get crafty

Now that I have decided to switch my obsession back over to precreating I also need a way to fill that oh so dreaded two week wait. Ugh, I shiver at the thought. Never is life so cruel as to drag on for two damn weeks leaving your brain to short wire and see every bird dropping as a sure fire sign of pregnancy. So I have decided to try and be crafty. In order to help keep me busy my husband has even bought me a sewing machine. I played around and figured out the bobbin thing, but really I think threading the top may be a bit out of my range. No, I'm totally not kidding. I have dreams of making curtains and hemming pants, but it all my be cut short if I can't stop banging my head on the side of the machine and figure out how to get it going. I am an educated woman but apparently no match for a singer.

I am also signing up for a knitting class. I want to make my own socks. Nerdy as it is, its always been a dream of mine. Fortunatly here in portland there is a lot of knitting shops that hold classes so I have quite a few to choose from. I just need a patient teacher. Once I figure something out I'm good, but I tend to cause a lot of chaos on the way. I've heard scarfs are easy so that is where I plan to start. Guess what everyone will be getting from me for christmas? Thats right, scarfs that look like a two year old did them.

I went to the dr and got the big fat okay to start femara. Seeing as this is cd8 it will have to wait until next month and I am okay with that. There was no way I was going back to clomid. I would rather pull my own eyes out and eat them. We are hopeful, or maybe just stupid. We haven't figured it out yet.

Present

I'm here, I'm just working on switching the blog over to my new obsession. I'll have it done today.

Almost updated

Prepare yourselves everyone this blog will probably go back to being all about my "womanly parts" again soon as I dive back into trying to get knocked up. I know its romantic isn't it? I am starting to feel content and so the actual trying to lose weight is going to stop. I'll be fine in my size 12s.

But until the next cycle starts you will just have to listen to me bitch and moan about the weeds popping up in my garden and stare at vacation photos. Those are coming in the next few days. Oooooooo some nice before and afters too.

The final countdown

I know I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself until September, but I did anyway. I jumped on, looked down, got off and tried again. 155. Yes I know that its still a high number but for me its pretty damn good. But then it hit me. I have 10 to go. My husband has asked me to stop when I hit 145, so I am. I'm not quite sure how I will stop since this has become a lifestyle change for me. Perhaps an additional cookie a day? I think he is afraid my boobs will mysteriously fall off or my my hips might become flat. Anyway I feel it is reasonable.

So once again I find myself facing a journey coming to its end. Now wtf will I do. Maybe I will get all crazy about the baby making, but really all I got out of that was heart burn. I have this crazy idea to take up karate. Not really for self defense, but more self entertainment. Knowing me and my clutzy self I will break a hip and dislocate a shoulder during the first class, but I'll probably go for it anyway.

I've had a few people ask my what kind of diet I've been doing so to put it to rest I decided to keep a food log over the weekend and post it on Monday.

Bugger

If I actually kept up with my blog on a daily or even biweekly basis I would be fed up enough to switch to something I had to pay for. But I don't so I probably will be keeping my free stuff loving ass right here. Ahhhhhh. I have tried to blog twice this week only to have both post promptly wonder off into space and land somewhere else. I did the lucky blogger dance before I sat down so here is hoping. Enough about all that jibberish.

As I read was checking up on some of my bloggers I have noticed that people are doing way more interesting things than I am lately. Some have been going to concerts I would give a nipple to go to and others have taken up hobbies or vacations that I often daydream about. So what have I been up to? A whole lot of nothing. I'm like the queen of wasted time right now. My husband has asked me to put off looking for a job until the boy returns to school. That is months away and I'm not sure my sanity will last that long. So I could lie and say I have been keeping busy by bathing homeless people and campaigning for animal rights but I think you would all know it was a lie. My days have been consisting of some bike riding, gardening, maybe a short trip to the market, some really bad day time tv, and putting off a lot of things I know I should be doing. Yep, it seems that I may have a bit of a laziness bug lately. I plan on killing it tomorrow by cleaning out the garage. That hell hole scares me. It is my husbands territory so I tend to leave it alone, but when I am scared to go in and get him that means its time to clean it out.

My fitness plan is going okay. I know I have been eating way too much ice cream lately and I plan on joining some sort of 12 step program soon. I can tell I am still losing by the fact my new shorts are loose already, but I could do better.

Uhhhhh, lets see, what else am I slacking on? Well one thing that is not slacking around here is my womanly parts. Seems funny I take a break from trying to procreate for the summer and now everything falls into place. I stopped all the supplements and crazy voodoo and tada, perfect 28 day cycle. Not only that but no cramps this month. Yeah.

I'm really upset I lost my fourth of July post because I liked it alot. I can sum it up really easily for you.... one of the things fatty loves more than food is freedom. I have been on the other side and can see why sometimes other countries hate america, but I will love this land forever. We had a great 4th over at a friends house with food, beer, and lots of great people. Makes me feel lucky to be me every single year. But now the countdown for the company picnic starts! What could be better than a full blown fair for free?????? Oh yes, my son and I are starting to think about what order we will go on the rides already. Mmmmmmmm gravity and vomit.

Comfort

GOD DAMNIT I JUST SPENT AN HOUR TYPING AND THIS STUPID THING ATE MY POST...shit damn ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay now lets see if I can recapture any of that magic. Stupid ass blogger

Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh summer. Just the thought makes me smile. Even makes me happy enough to forget how much blogger eats ass sometimes. Anyway, deep breath, moving on. So the other day while I was at the river with my family running around and jumping off of things I had no right to be on I felt something new. I paused and realized I was completely comfortable in this shell I call my body. I looked around and found that I blended right in with the other average looking moms who had a bit of pudge here and there. But that wasn't the important thing. I was happy being me, and it made everything completely worth while.

We camped overnight at the river because we had a few days of over 100 degrees. We have a standing agreement in our family that any day it goes over 99 we get out of town and head for the woods. I was upset when I found that I no longer like smores. Yes I know, how shocking. For those of you who don't know, smores is what used to spark my love for camping. Now I find them a bit sweet and they really just make me want to gag. I did enjoy the camping even without my sweet delight, but I am on the look out for another oh so delicious but not too sweet camping treat. If you have any ideas please let me know. We are going camping in the state sand dunes next week so I am trying to come up with something before then. Last time I went to the dunes was a few years ago and I weezed and dragged my butt up a small dune before I almost passed out. Now I'm in better shape so I am hoping it won't be so tough. Its a two mile hike over the dunes to the ocean so I am going to try and do that.

I forgot what I wrote in my other entry before blogger at it so I guess this is it for now

OH, except thanks for noticing that typo michelle. Too much wine and keyboards do not mix well.

Big fat year in review

So as I said before this year definetly had its ups and downs. Lets start with the numbers and get them all out of the way.

Weight started: 239
Current weight: 159
Lost 80lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bmi start: 39.8
Bmi current: 26.5
Down 13.5

Measurements

Neck: starting 16, current 13 = -3 inches
Bust: starting 51, current 40 =- 11 inches
Waist: starting 48, current 36 = -12 inches
Hips: starting 48.5, current 37.5 = -11 inches
Thigh: starting 26, current 20 = -6 inches

Not bad for 12 months. I haven't always been diligent, but I never gave up and I think that is what got me here.

My change in frame of mind is what has been most amazing. I feel more postive and know that I really can accomplish anything.

The only disappointment over the last year was our lack of pregnancy. But I still believe taking a break for the summer is whats best. So far I am enjoying my time. I have eaten all sorts of taboo foods and even went out and drank way too much last weekend. We hadn't just gone to a bar and played pool and drank in sooooo long. This is good for our marriage and without a healthy marriage my life would be empty.

More importantly what I have learned is that I am not alone. That is priceless

Okay now with all that out of the way here comes my summer plans. So after doing my monthly weigh in today I decided not to weigh in again until the end of August. I have 14 lbs to lose, which I think is totally doable. Is that even a word? Anyway, I want to focus on weight training and boosting my cardio and see what happens. Now I just need help coming up with a weight training routine. Any ideas?

Is this thing still on?

My lack of post lately isn't due to some exciting thing or a slide into depression, I am just finding myself terribly busy and preoccupied. My garden is in bloom and I feel more at home in the dirt than in here with my butt in a chair.

I am aware I missed my blogaversary. One year, wooohooooooo me. There are so many things I expected from the last year, some didn't happen, and other things turned out better than I could ever imagine.

Now excuse me, the lilac is calling me

Check me out

Sorry for the long space between post but I was out enjoying myself. This is the time of year where Portland comes alive and the outdoor markets open, parades take place, and of course it won't stop raining. That didn't stop us. We taped up two days early and I sat my ass on the pavement for 12 hours to make sure my son and his two friends had a great view. They did and had a great time. Its nice to see the streets of portland closed down and kids drawing with chalk, playing football, jump roping and singing wherever they choose. We brought our 15lbs of candy out and created absolute chaos when we started throwing it around. It is the best part if you ask the kids that sat on the same block we did.

But that wasn't the best part. I got a whistle! Not the kind you put around the neck but an adoring whistle from a passerby. After the shock wore off I was flattered. Its been a long time. But I am starting to feel a bit more comfy in this thing I call a body.

We all bought new bikes and are excited for it to dry out so we can give it a go. I have to admit I gave in and got the bike I've always wanted, it was a bit pricey, but my butt is ohhhhhhh so happy on that seat. My husband, not one to go against trends got the same kind just the male version. My son who was afraid to ride a bike for the longest time found a yellow one with flames on it. I guess it was one of those seeing the light from heaven things because his eyes got wide and he was speechless for a moment.

Speaking of wide eyes he was completely fascinated by the army men marching in the parade yesterday. I mean jaw open, just complete awe. Even they noticed and one of them gave him a football. I swear my son has not taken his eye off of it since we have gotten home. I think there are worse things a young boy could look up to. I cannot believe his graduation from kindegarten is next week. It has gone by so fast.

say what?

Hmmmm, well I'm not exactly sure if I am on deaths bed, but for someone like me to lose my voice is close to hell. We are working on the second day of silence for me. I'm not sure where it went but it is completely and utterly gone. Not a whisper, moan or chuckle has crossed my lips. My husband has taken this opportunity to get out the pressure washer since I cannot object. Its not that he's not handy, its just that he gets a bit carried away with that contraption. When he has the pressure washer out all the neighborhood kids run because they know if they stand still for even a moment he will wash them too. Its like the sander. I try to avoid bringing it out because as soon as he does I have a million of his half started projects and maybe one that is finished. But short of going outside and turning off the water supply there is nothing I can do to make him stop with the power washer right now. So I'll just sit here silently and pray he covered all my flowers first.

I haven't posted a lot lately because really there hasn't been much to update. I find that taking a break from all things baby making related has opened up a lot of free time for me. I've taken up some crocheting and am thinking about making some photo collages, but besides that I have just been enjoying my days.

I cannot believe my sons first year of school is almost over. It just blows my mind. He left me a whiney, insecure little boy. And now he is emerging as a confident reader at the end of the year. I still smile so big when he reads anything to me. Of course his favorite words to read and write are usually related to poop, vomit, or boogers. But I will take it. My boy is reading. Its such a huge accomplishment I feel that too many parents look over. If I had the ability I would throw him a parade but budget wise thats just not going to happen. So instead I am going to buy him subscriptions to his favorite magazines. Those little disney adventure magazines are his favorite and the comics in there have words easy enough for him to sound out without any parental input. He feels like a stud.

I skipped reading one of the most popular books around and just went and seen the movie on Friday. The davinci code was pretty good in my opinion. I know people are being so critical, but uh its a movie. Its supposed to be entertainment. Yeah blah blah blah and religion and all this. I just loved it because I got to go to it with my hunky husband all alone. Oh yeah.

Bad me

Sorry I've been a bit neglectful lately but my mind has been in a state of hibernation for a bit. I feel rejuvinated now though. I am putting off anything having to do with baby making until the fall so I can train for the 5k without having my mind too crowded. No more herbs, temp taking, or schedules. Well after this month anyway.

I've been doing okay on my workouts but need to devote a bit more time so I have conned my husband into going to the gym with me to keep me motivated a few times a week. The rest of the time its just me and the golf course. Now I need to read some and catch up on all of you.

Love letter

Dear what ever your name is,
Can you please refrain from driving your "car" with the "muffler that sounds like a jet is landing on my house" and "system that sucks because its all bass" down my street at 5 in the morning? It is also not advisable to do this at any hour when I am pmsing.

Thank you so much,
Mrs fatty "the crazy lady who will slash your tires"