I got my last negative this morning. Our 7th and final IUI failed. It is really over and now I find myself just completely lost. Its like going 120 mph to a complete stop in just a matter of seconds.

Cycle failed. Waiting on the next one. Story of my life.

The good, the bad, and all the shit in between

Period finally showed. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Dr. forgot to send over my clomid. Booooooooooooo!

Starting metformin back up and hopefully this cycle will be short. Yaaaaay!

Mr. fattys cholesterol is up. Dr is recommending meds, which according to my research can result in up to a 39% increase in abnormal forms. Yeah. That doesn't even get a boo.

We are deciding on what to do now. I asked the dr for the straight facts on mr. fattys risk of heart attack if we keep using diet and exercise during the summer and hold off on meds until September. I've got to to honest. I feel angry that he didn't really follow his diet or exercise program.

Another bad? I'm shedding hair. I think beyond the point of normal.

Trying to find more good in this week. I feel like I've been a bit of a Debbie Downer lately.

le sigh

The last few months my periods have been fairly regular. So of course since I'm waiting on my period to start its no where to be seen. Its not a matter of pregnancy, its a matter of my body just refusing to cooperate with anything. Its like running uphill on ice. I will only wait one more week and then jump start with progesterone. Sigh...

How to get over yourself

I am always responsible with money. We save at least 25% of everything. I like to be prepared financially for whatever rolls our way. The last few months have been different. Mr fatty talked me into letting loose a bit. So where did our adventures take us. Well first of all we started off barelling about a million miles an hour down this thing. This is the tornado. Its nothing but huge drops, tons of water and speed. I'm pretty sure he was trying to scare the blues right out of me. And to be honest it worked. Its hard to think about anything when your hanging on for dear life and screaming like the world is ending. Seriously so much fun.























And then I bought a car. Picture omitted because I haven't gotten around to taking it but I am in love with it. So what do you do with a new car? You pack it up and head here.




















and do things like this




















and play poker but to protect the losers I won't show pictures of them crying. I wiped them out. Somewhere along the way I did start to feel better. It was nice to have fun for once. Maybe I should take that as a sign to let it all go more often.

As for the entire baby making thing my cycles are somewhat regular but its not a strong ovulation. Lazy ovaries. I'm on cd 16 and start clomid next cycle. The first clomid cycle is really to see if I respond to it. Then of course we make the decision of where to go then. Dr is thinking two medicated cycles (the first being the clomid) and then into medicated IUI. I'm really going to try not to obsess. Hah.

129 days

Its not often that I am left wordless.

The last few months have been hell. I rolled into a depression that was just so mind numbing it left me unable to do much of anything. I knew it was coming but usually I can resist the pull.

I am crawling out.

Day by Day.

On some days its hour by hour.

Sigh

A lot can change in under a month.

I've been debating on if I should post this or not since everything Ive been posting seems so down lately. My husband and I are working our issues out and it was getting a lot better, but just within a few days we seem back to page one. I gave him back my ring. I feel naked and saddened without it. I'm praying things will get better.


On to happy things shall we?????

My oldest is turning 10 tomorrow!

Its such a strange thing watching boys grow into young men. I'm amazed by it every day. I must get some sleep. I have to obsessively clean my house before his party tomorrow.

Matters of the heart

So with all my various odd things going on with my body we have come to the conclusion that pcos is kicking my ass. Most things are just painful (cyst) or annoying (hello moodswings) but the worst and most stunning was that my triglycerides sit at a lovely 786. The rest of my lipid panel was normal but apparently pcos can just blow your triglycerides to hell. Something to do with metabolic syndrome and severe insulin resistance and blah blah blah. So I'm on a MAJOR diet overhaul right now and its making me bitchy as hell.

I hate pcos so much.

Where have I been?

Here and there is the basic answer. Somehow this summer is just taking everything out of me. There is a lot on my plate right now and most of the time when I open this to post I just sit here and watch the cursor blink. So lets do a list shall we?!?!?!

* My husband and I are working on our marriage and are making huge progress. Its not always easy, but I can see the light coming back and am starting to feel like we are IN love again.

* B is growing like crazy and doing well. The molars were hard. Its such a test of patience to have a tething toodler.

* We are actively ttc again. Its not going so smoothly. I may have just had an early loss/chemical. Its a long story and I end up bleeding for 11 days at the end of it so lets just skip that.

* I've lost 6 lbs. Its okay but I hoped for more.

* I'm trying to be more organized so everything won't feel so chaotic but it is hard.

Its like running in mud right now. I will pull out of this funk.

We did take a great vacation to the lake house which is pictured up there. It was a great morning. I wondered out to the boathouse with my coffee and camera and just clicked away. I'm thinking we might need another getaway soon.

AND I have over 400 post to get caught up with in google reader but I'm working on it.

I keep having the same dream over and over again......just making a note so I can remember to blog about it later

We're not sure

Nothing irritates me more than not knowing what is going on with my uterus. Boy what an opening line.

Years ago I started spotting out of the blue and it never went away. I've heard all their responses from its normal to it will work itself out. Well guess what? Its NOT normal and it didn't work itself out. As my period has returned on a somewhat regular basis I can tell you I still cramp like crazy and spot whenever my body sees fit. This isn't right. I just KNOW. But no one seems to take it seriously. So what is my next step here? I've run out of doctors and patience.

Show and tell week something or another

Yes I know I didn't post all week, but I did dig through my blog and discovered that my 4 year blogaversary was on June 7th. Four years is quite a long time in my little world so I do consider it an accomplishment. So onto the sharing shall we...

Remember you can go here and join in or just see what the others are sharing







I had a few people ask me where I got the pic for my header. I got it from my camera. I took it when we headed to the beach last month. We went to this amazing set of tidepools and I just went totally picture happy. The first three are pretty self explanitory but lets see if you can guess what happened after the fourth.....


MMmmmmm pretty

Ooooooooooooh even prettier

Hello starfish!

Heh, take a guess what happened to Mr.hermit crab seconds after I took this. Yes, right into the mouth. You would think he would spit it out since it was crawling around and everything but noooooooo, I had to reach in and pull it out. Enough snack talk, go see what everyone else is showing!

Show and Tell time!

Yay it is show and tell time again! It has switched to Wednesdays so go here and see what everyone else is doing!








One of my favorite things about living in the northwest is the fabulous sunsets. I caught this one on our last hike.

This storm was fascinating. Scary too. The wind and rain was so hard and the lightning was incredible. I was going to catch pictures of the lightning but I got sidetracked somehow.

Go take a look and see what everyone else came up with.

A post is coming shortly. I just have zero time lately. B has food allergies so it seem like I sit and read and read and read about how to keep his diet balanced and where they came from. I have a lot of stuff rolling around in my head and I swear as soon as I have time I will get it up. Heh, I said get it up.

Bear with me folks, I'm doing some construction so things may look a bit off for a few days. I would do it all at once, but you know I need to be on constant "what did you put in your mouth" patrol