The last seven days have been hard for me. I keep finding myself switching back and forth from acceptance to sorrow, and now I seem to be finding a nice big area of anger. As I said before I even knew any of this would happen I fully intend on feeling all of this and not botteling any of it up. What I do know I cannot change are the dreams. I dream of dead things. I tried sleeping pills but they still follow me. Last night was the first one I had where nothing died. I dreamed that all the trees around me were bursting full of ripe red apples. No I don't think it is symbolic of anything, I think it just means that I finally got a break from dead thoughts. I still have a hard time putting thoughts together on this. All I know is that we created a baby and it died. I know it was early, but it was still a baby to me. We are now faced with the decision of wether to go on or not. I'm not sure how I feel. Do I have to try for years only to be faced with another loss? Ttc is truly an emotional investment and to be paid with shit at the end is hard. Ugh
3 comments:
Please keep trying! I've followed your journal for a good-long while and - yes, it's tough to concieve but - I have a good vibe for you!
Maybe set a date (another two or three cycles?) and - try until then. If nothing yet then, try and take a break. It did wonders for you this past time (remember you took a break for a while from TTC and then started up again??) and just within one or two cycles it seemed, you had some success!
Take care!
anji
Are you ok? I'm thinking of you and wishing you time to heal and success in the coming months.
I'm not much of a hugger but..
"hugs"
E
Hi, I'm just popping over from Michele's blog roll. Sorry to read of your miscarriage. I too have suffered two and I always feel for anyone who does. I had a hard time following my first one because I didn't allow myself to feel and people I love denied my right to in some ways. Much fallout. Please take care of yourself and go ahead and allow yourself to feel the hurt and disappointment.
Also, I dreamed for at least a year that I had a baby and then kept losing him everywhere I went. It was like my whole being was confused. Maybe my dreams went on so long because I didn't deal with it. I wish you many blessings on your endeavors!!!
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