Mr fatty has made it clear that I have issues with making up my mind and clearly stating what I want. Maybe it was the tequila last night, but my list of wants became amazingly clear...
I want
*cheese nips...mass quantities
*to be able to live my life without these two week rollercoasters
*to be able to buy pads without crying*to feel like a woman again*to make my husband a father
*peace of mind
*my life to stop revolving around something I apparently have little to no control over
*a maid. Seriously.
*to be able to jump back in the workforce quickly
*my dahlias to quit opening towards the neighbors house
*a very strong drink
But mostly today I want
*to know what our baby would have looked like...would it have daddies big brown eyes and stick straight hair or my blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair? Would you have loved the smell of grass like I do? What would your first words have been? I want to know WHO you would have been as a person and I'm sad I will never know
*to be able to cry, I feel shitty that today is the day and I have no tears left.
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About Me
The story so far
Its long and boring people so here are the highlights
*started ttc 2001
*thanks to weightloss (90lbs) started ovulating regularly 2005
*April `06 HSG...alls good in the hood
*mr.fatty's SA comes back with high numbers, but a lil low on volume
*September `06 start femara
*November `06 BFP!!!!!!
*November`06 miscarriage...so sad
*December `06 back on the femara train
*June `07 femara + IUI #1...great numbers...BFN
*July `07 femara +IUI #2...even better....BFN
*August `07 soy isoflavones + IUI #3...great SA again but timing sucked...holy crap BFP
*started ttc 2001
*thanks to weightloss (90lbs) started ovulating regularly 2005
*April `06 HSG...alls good in the hood
*mr.fatty's SA comes back with high numbers, but a lil low on volume
*September `06 start femara
*November `06 BFP!!!!!!
*November`06 miscarriage...so sad
*December `06 back on the femara train
*June `07 femara + IUI #1...great numbers...BFN
*July `07 femara +IUI #2...even better....BFN
*August `07 soy isoflavones + IUI #3...great SA again but timing sucked...holy crap BFP
6 comments:
{hug} - You are in my thoughts -Farah
Oh, hon. There are no words to tell you how sorry I am. Hugs.
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. I understand crying in the shower becasue there are just too many tears.
I am so sorry. Edd's are so awful. I pray that your miracle will happen soon.
Sorry today's so crappy for you, gawd, this never gets easier. It has moments, but they're few and far between. If I can give some assvice, give yourself a treat - hire a cleaning lady. We hired one last year to come in every 2 weeks for 3 hours. She does all the crap I don't want to (ie. toilets, floors), and all I have to do in the in-between is tidy or a quick wipe here and there. It's worth every penny right now when my sanity's at an all-time crazeeee. Hiring someone means you can spend your spare time on YOU, not on toilets. That's worth a lot:-)
Thinking about you and hoping for brighter days ahead...
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