duh

Today I am truly greatful that I am alive. I didn't have a near death experience or anything, I am just really apreciating what I have. I may have a few bumps (okay fat rolls) in my life but in the grand scheme of things I am a very lucky woman. I have a mate who truly knows and loves me. I have a son who is just I don't know how to explain it. I am proud of him. He is smart and polite and funny. He is a peice of me and everytime I look into his eyes I am reminded of the amazing things that have happened to me. And I am greatful for all of it. Even the kind people I have met online that are encouraging and my cheerleaders. I could not be happier today.

BUT I have to say that after 6 hours outside in the sun I only have one thing to say ...FAT PEOPLE SHOULD NOT DO YARD WORK....okay thats all. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong but as I sit here I can feel all my muscle fibers starting to scrunch up one by one. I moved wood and about 30592048554509485 lbs of other stuff. But it looks great. I think I am going to plant some assorted poppies underneath our crabapple tree. Just a little bit of color. I should take some pictures of my garden and post them. It is what I do to destress. I love digging in dirt and playin with worms and all that fun stuff. Although I am a little disturbed by the dead birds the cats have been leaving me. I know they are proud but I do not get happy about dead birds in my shoe. My dahlias are so huge this year!!!!!!!!!! Any my elephant ear is getting big too. MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm dirt.

So I was thinking that I may just buy myself a new coat this winter. My old one will be a bit big and I am even thinking about getting the one I have coveted for years. Its all sorts of girly and I always told myself I would get it after I took off a little weight. So maybe just maybe. Its hard to think of ways to reward yourself once you give up bingeing. I used to dive into some ben and jerrys or taco bell, now I am thinking about clothes...that fit. And I have decided that once my weight gets where I want it I will gut my bathroom and get a big tub. Right now I just have a shower. I refuse to use the boys bathroom. I need a hazmat suite and a squeegee just to go in there. I am not sure what my goal weight is yet. I will figure it out as I go along. I just want to feel good. Bmi charts freak me out so I'm not consulting one of those either. I'm just going by the size of my thighs.