Loser

I used to run around in this infertility "pack". We all had blogs devoted to our temps and mucus and thought that everytime we sneezed it was sign of ovulation. In the funk I've been in the last few days I decided to visit some old blog friends and see how they are doing. Out of 35 guess how many have had babies or are now pregnant. 31. Now that just blows. I'm happy for them and all but its like waiting in line at the dmv. You can only do it for so long before you start to feel the urge to choke. I'm comforted by the fact that my body is starting to work normally. The weightloss has helped and hopefully my number will come up soon.

My husband is bhuddist. Although he knows about my problems and my ovaries being renegades he believes that our baby isn't ready yet. Yes, somewhere in his mind our baby is waiting in that limbo area for the right moment. He thinks shes scared to get on the bus. Yes people, thats what I deal with every day. So in order to bring on our chances of success we are builing a little house for his mom in the backyard. Its like a bird house but you put offerings on it. Hard to explain, but I've already started to plan the garden area around it. I never had the pleasure of meeting his mom. She died a while before I met him from diabetes. I know that she must have had steel balls because she had 13 children. My husband is the only boy that was born into that family that didn't die. I know that infertility sucks, but the loss of a child is a pain I could never imagine and hopefully never will.

He never imagined this would be so difficult for us. But I think that when you have to work so hard for something it makes getting it much sweeter.