The magic corndog

We have been patiently waiting for my sons front tooth to fall out for weeks. His first loose tooth my husband pulled out and needless to say he was all sorts of traumatized. We have tried apples and carrots. Nothing. It would flap when he talked yet not yeild when anything gave a tug on it. So today we go to pick my little ball of honeriness up from school and he has a big gaping hole in the front of his mouth. SUCCESS! I asked him what happened and his eyes got all big and he whispered....I bit into the magic corndog mom. It just landed on my tray. No more was said and he proudly showed me the little pearl in the plastic tooth case. He knows I am the toothfairy (sorry to ruin it for any of you) and so he kindly asked if I could put more money under his pillow this time.

I don't like to lie to him and so when he asked about santa and all the other creatures we parents like to go on about I told him the truth. He thinks thats cool because he doesn't have to send letters anymore. He said next year he'll be able to write and type well enough just to email it. Hmmmmmm. When he asked where babies come from I told him. I didn't whip out the better sex in 60 days series, but I just told him the truth. He knew boys and girls were different anyway. He just didn't know why. He will learn about orgasms and how to undo bras on his own. I provided the basics of penis + bagina = baby sometimes. I don't know why we are compelled to lie to kids. In my experience the truth has not made the holidays any less magical, they actually take some of the stress off. No staying up late to assemble stuff here. Instead the hubby and I have drinks :)

I cleaned like some kind of crazed lunatic today. And quite frankly I'm bitchy. Not a single cobweb in my house didn't feel my wrath today. I am simply amazed at the amount of dirt and mess 3 people can make in the matter of hours. I cleaned yesterday, as I do everyday. Yet today it was a hell hole. Hubby says....relax, our house is much cleaner than my friends houses. I know it is but thats only because your friends are a bunch of losers who only wash their underpants once a month. Please don't ask me how I know that. But I got to wondering. Is anybody's house really that clean? Don't we all have that corner we hate to dust, or just have days where the dishes just sit. Haven't we all kicked a cheetoh under a table seconds before company arrived? I know this girl. We'll leave her nameless but when I visited her she ran in and cleaned the bathroom every single time someone used it. I understand not wanting company to see your q-tips laying about but that is a little overboard. Hahaha, she also bleached her daughters toys daily, then got offended when I asked if her poo was white. The nerve of some people.

My birthday is creeping closer and closer. Each year we try to go to the beach or to a nice hotel or something like that but this time I just want to go have dinner. Maybe some fabulous presents, but not too much. I am thinking about pajamas. None of mine fit since a quarter of my body fell off. And I am finding that without too much fat I am freezing now that fall is here. All I want is something cute and soft so now I'm on a quest to find it and make sure my husband knows to buy them.

Speaking of asses. Okay so we weren't but why not. I'm looking for mine. Don't know if anyone has seen it but I would like it back. My butt now looks like a pancake with a crack in it. Or if someone knows how to take the fat from my non existant waist and put it in my butt I will gladly pay you.