This is something I am not proud of but I am hopelessly addicted to tater tots. I can eat 40 lbs of them and not even bat an eye. They are just the perfect ball of grease carbs and salt. I'm sure at least half of my blubber has been caused by these tasty little morsels. And I really wouldn't have it any other way. I also have a confession. I had another blog at one point. I abandon it because I was the only one left that hadn't gotten pregnant. I am happy for people who are enjoying success, but at a time when I can barely keep myself from crying when I see a pregnant lady I don't really think I can stay in that community. BUT I am grateful for all of their support. I'm just jealous. I want a healthy slobbering baby of my own. Last night was bad. I decided that if we cannot conceive in the next few years that I would let my husband go. Its not his fault. Its mine. All on me. I want him to know what it is like to be a parent. I love him more than I could possibly love another, but I cannot be all the things he needs. I told him all that and he just looked at me like I was crazy and then he took my m&m's away cause my tears were making the colors run. It. was. rough.
But thats the thing. It is my problem. He is able to have babies and the fact that he stays amazes me. I am always waiting for it all to fall apart. And to make it worse I'm all pms total bitch lately. I start a new cycle soon. Yay for me right? I don't know if I can take any more phone calls that start out with.....well this cycle didn't look so good. WHY NOT. What changed between having my son and now? Was it the IUD? Is it punishment for all the drugs and partying of my youth? Did I flip god off on accident or something? I can't help but be angry right now, I can't help but be bitter, and I can't help but be jealous. I can't stop crying and I can't help that either. Now I'm going to get back to my tater tots.
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