I always find it really strange how I cannot relax after sex. Even good sex. So last night we watched a movie, and then had some great non baby making sex. We layed in bed and talked until about 4 am. After that I could NOT sleep. I tried everything. I don't know if semen is like crack to me, or its all in my head. I think that having non baby making sex is really important. Even thou the word ovulation still gives my husband an erection.
I wonder if all fat people have good sex. Our sex life is better than it was in the beginning but there are still things I won't do. Like be on top. I'm always afraid one of my fat rolls will knock him out. Or maybe suffocate him. Or the worst of all, he won't think that I'm pretty. I know its highschool stuff but I think all women need to feel appealing to their mate. And leaving the lights on? FORGET ABOUT IT. Theres just too much lard to hide. And it tends to spread everywhere. Is it possible to have totally amazing sex while you are self concious? I don't know, and probably never will.
And as for the diet?
RIGHT NOW I AM EATING A 3 LB BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY.
Well maybe not 3, but you get the point. And I have a roast in the oven. See I can never claim that mcdonalds or wendys made me fat. I did it. I hate fast food and unfortunately I'm a good cook. I've been reading a lot of fat blogs lately. Theres a lot of inspiration to be had. A lot of before and after pictures too. But I don't think I'm ready for that. Maybe next month. I am not as brave as some of you. Is that what it takes? Braveness. Or is it just complete and utter will power. I know I have will power since I haven't smoked in almost a year. My will power just gets hungry, and yes I'll admit that I do comfort myself with it. I am over emotional a lot of the time especially when the clomid hot flashes kick in. I cried over my husband changing the channel one day. He has started whearing a cup to bed. Maybe I should calm down a bit.
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