I will eat you

I ate everything I could find today. Its weird. I do not feel full. At least I made healthy choices and stayed away from the cake in the fridge. Tomorrow I plan on doing another ass kicking session at the gym. My legs have just now stopped with the stabbing pain from last time. I am trying to find a good massage therapist around here to help me out with that. Maybe someone who does trigger point or reiki. Mmmmmmmmmm to be able to relax. I tried accupuncture but it was a little too expensive for me.

I have noticed lately that there are a lot of fat people here. I'm not being mean because well, I'm one of them. But in one day I could count about 30 people that weighed at LEAST 275. The scary part? Most of them are women. I have to fight the urge to go up and ask them what happened. We all know my food issues sprang from my lovely relationship with the woman I used to refer to as mom. And I started thinking, is there really that much shitty stuff going on in the world that we are all drowning out hurt in a bowl of ice cream? I learned that you have to deal with it and move on or any diet won't help you. You have to try. It will not come to you in a pizza delivery box. And yet the media is so fast to blame the fast food industry or tv. But come on, when is the last time someone forced you to eat fries. Or the last time your tv glued you to a chair. I don't buy that load of poo. But I used too. I blamed my fatness on everyone but myself. Once I owned it I started treating myself better. I feed my family healthy food because I want them to be healthy and strong. Why not expect the same for myself? Its easy to push yourself to the back burner, but you will be miserable. Also once I told my husband the truth about my weight ( come on ladies we all lie about it) it was easier. No need to hide.

*keeps rambling incoherently*

When I was watching the news tonight and seen that another hurricane is heading toward the gulf coast my heart sank. Hopefully people have learned their lesson and the people of Texas will leave. I have a hard time sympathising with anyone who knows that there is a mandatory evacuation and stays. That my friends is just dumb. So to the people of Texas I hope you grab your family and run like hell. I have never faced anything like that in my life and hopefully never will. My husband on the other hand has been thru things that I could never imagine. I think I've mentioned before that he isn't an american. Or did I? Anyway thats not really that important. He came from a war torn country and sought asylum here in the us. I'll tell his story one day because I think it is important, but its also very long so it will have to wait for now.

I'm already dreading the holidays this year. Its so forced and unnatural. See my husbands family hates me. And I don't mean in the usual in law way I mean they didn't attend our wedding and tell people I am the devil. Funny thing is that I think they actually believe it. My family is in another state, except for my mother, and the only thing she worries about is wether or not we will give her money. Yes, shes a sponge. So this year I have decided that we are going to spend christmas on the mountain tubing and snowboarding our little hearts out. And of course getting fabulously smashed on white russians. I think I've rambled enough for tonight.