Look what I found

Yesterday I felt sexy. It was the first time in a long time. I'm 55lbs lighter now. I've taken 2 inches off my neck, 7 off my bust, 8 off my waist, 7 off my hips and 4.5 off my thighs. There are 24.5 inches less of me! But back to my point. I have a waist. It may be kind of orbish but its still making its way out damnit. Last night for the first time in years I stood in front of the mirror buck ass naked. I figured it was about time to take some serious inventory and decide where to go from here. I still need a LOT of work, but the funny thing was that I also could see my crotch without any assistance. For someone who carried around a lot of lard for a lot of years its a big thing. Yes, my vagina is still there. My stomach no longer holds my boobs up and gasp, my thighs don't look like they are made out of marshmallows. My husband met me when I was at my fattest really so he has never known anything but the poohbah version of me. Last night he said that my new shape was very sexy. I shouldn't need that comment to make me feel good but it made me feel fabulous.

Have I ever mentioned that I have had amazing luck with boyfriends? I'm not talking about wether they were assholes or not, I'm going superficial and talking about looks. Every single boyfriend I've had has been very attractive. Attractive enough to make people I don't know ask me how I ended up with HIM. Those questions were always a good way to put down a person twice by implying not only was I fat but I was ugly. I have to admit that I wondered about it for a while myself and then gave up thinking that there were other mysteries in life that needed my attention. Two years ago my husband came and took part of a little program we had going at my school ( yes SUPRISE I'm educated) and part of it was having to remove his shirt. After jaws picked up off the floor my "friend" leaned over in my ear and whispered ..."How the hell did YOU get him?" Well thanks for bringing that up again friend. After the urge to punch her in the nose fled I just shrugged and chalked up it to chance. Well now I feel like calling her and telling her it wasn't chance. It was so many things. I have talked to exes and they always said that I made them feel uber manly. No it wasn't some wild testicle dance I did, or weird position. I just accepted them the way they were and really enjoyed them...until they became asses and had to be disposed of. My "friend" is divorced but I can't imagine why...was it because she talked down to her husband like a dog? Was it the fact that she REFUSED to do any sort of housework? Was it the fact that she didn't know how to turn the stove on? She was working on setting boundries the last time I seen her because she thought that doing laundry was out of her scope of wifehood. I guess she doesn't have to worry about that now.

I'm not by any means saying be a doormat, but just like we encourage our husbands to be nice and bring us candy or flowers, be romantic or spontaneous we need to make him feel like he has balls. Big ones.

My son looks like I punched his teeth out. Both top front teeth are gone leaving him with this gummy smile I haven't seen since he was a baby. As cute as it is I also find myself teaching him slobber control because now there is really nothing there to hold it back. Fighting the urge to make him wear a bib so he doesn't stain the furniture is really hard sometimes. So for now we are avoiding corn on the cob and words that contain more than one s. We were looking thru papers and magazines looking for pictures to cut out for his letter of the week search. I left the room to check on dinner and came back to him with a page open to the bras just staring. I asked him if he liked the boobs or the bra and he just turned the page and giggled. Oh god, its starting already. We tell our son whatever he needs to know at the moment. He knows what a vagina and penis are and where babies come from he just hasn't tied it all together yet. This way I figure having the sex talk will be much easier and there will not be any suprises along the way. The talk about uh "self pleasure" will be left to Mr. Fatty. I told him that he has to insist its normal, but anytime you are "self pleasuring" you must lock the door cause your mother will shit herself and die. That is the most important thing my husband can ever teach him.

I've been working out a lot lately and I finally have gotten the courage to use the stairmaster. You see as large as everything else was on my body my butt was rather flat. Like crepe flat. So now that other things are shrinking I have started a quest for a butt. Squats are dandy but I just feel like a dork doing them. Let me tell you how much I love the stairmaster. I would rather poke my own eyes out, dunk them into acid, and reinsert them than use that evil damn thing. But I kept at it anyway. Now I have pain in my butt region, lets just hope its followed by some muscle. I'm not picky, I'll take a little marshmallow sized muscle. Then theres the cardio and blah blah blah, sweaty uniboob, blah blah blah, thighs going to start a fire, blah blah blah.

I'm considering taking up a sport. Did I mention I have the coordination of an intoxicated 12 month old? Maybe I'll start doing aerobics with the old ladies down at the rec center. But what I really want to do is hike. Its nice so I might bust out this weekend and try to take on a few trails. If I'm not back by monday I was either eaten by a bear or am lost.