I really feel that I am at a disadvantage not to have a penis in this household. Even the cats are boys. Well one was a girl but since having her fixed I think she is secretly conspiring with the boys. If you ask my friend she will tell you she thinks that the sexes are equal and should be treated the same. I say bullshit. I for one can manage to use the bathroom without hitting the toilet seat and the lid. I can take my socks off and put them in a hamper. And of course I can say thing and actually mean what I said. These traits are not present in the penis population in my house.
Take today for example. My husband says he is going outside to fix the truck. I thought they were fixing the truck, but apparently fixing the truck is code for drink beer and bullshit with the guy three doors down about lawn mower repair. Silly me.
The reason my son (who I swear should work for nasa right now) cannot aim completely escapes me. The toilet seems like a pretty big target. Come to think of it the hamper is pretty damn big too. Its not that damn hard. Yet he can do one of those rubiks cube thingies in the time it takes me to make dinner.
My husband is an interesting specimen. He has no idea how to organize anything or, like his partner in crime, put dirty clothes in the hamper. Up until he met me he had no idea girls could swim when they had their period. Soon to be 38, he still doesn't know how to use a blinker, and of course doesn't realize that tracking mud on a clean floor is a nono. However, when it comes to moving things or digging huge holes for me he's the champ. I think I love him more because I don't understand him.
So you can understand why I'm a little scared that he has taken over our anniversary plans. He just said I would be suprised. Well thats nice. But there are good (like yay a vacation) and bad (like oh wow theres bird crap on my jacket) suprises. I am hoping that this one will be good. His birthday is coming up and I am at a loss as to what to get him. I was going to do some pin up style pictures for him, but I think I need a bit more time to build up some confidence for that. So now we are less than two weeks away and I haven't got a clue. Why do men have to be so difficult?
2 comments:
You know, I read your post and thought, maybe I married a woman?? My husband seems to be missing those essential MANnerisms. He always puts the seat down, never misses, and does all the laundry. I think he's a she. Shit, you would think after 15 years I would have noticed!
PS- His birthday is the 7th and I have yet to figure out a gift either, unless I could make 50 pounds leave my ass quickly, now that would be a good gift!!!!!
Hope your anniversary is great!
yes, they are difficult aren't they? this actually sounds just like some i would/could write. everything that takes place in your house is happening at mine too. i sometimes think he is is difficult just to irritate me...lol! there's no place like home.
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