Moving on

My husband and I had an interesting coversation today over lunch. I guess when I was morbidly obese I didn't notice people not seeing me because I was trying with all my might to fade away. Now people see me. Men see me. My husband sees men see me. He is having a hard time adjusting to that at the moment. He is not jealous. Just caught off gaurd. He is proud of me and tells people how hard I have worked, but at the same time doesn't really know what to do when people say I look good. I've noticed he holds me a little tighter and holds my arm close to him instead of just my hand. I really don't know how to respond to people yet either. The other day I went for a walk on the golf course and was suprised when almost everyone that walked past me smiled and said hello. Looking back I don't think its because I'm not as fat anymore. I think that its a change in confidence. I don't know if people smiled at me before because my head was always cast down as I was trying to fade into the surroundings.

How we went from that convo to my uterus I'm not sure, but it happened. I am calling tomorrow to schedule my hsg which I should have had long ago. The problem is I'm nervous about getting dye shot into my girl parts. I really prefer things like that just stay away from my crotch area all together. Anyway, if that comes back clear we will go in and decide where to go from here. Dr. M has suggested we skip clomid altogether because of my horrible experience before and move on to "other" options. In other words my husband will be stabbing me in the butt every night with a needle. I know whats coming. Buttholes. I have even decided to try iui if it is needed. So what made me change my mind? My husband. Sometimes I forget how desperate he is for a baby too. As the years have gone by his friends have had 1,2, or even 3 kids and now he is feeling the emptiness. I guess I have learned how to deal with it, but I really don't want to see him go thru it.

I'm really just scared. Its not finances or medical issues, its just me and my 40 ton bag of fear. What if we move on to iui or ivf and we fail? What then. This is the last resort and then what? And I thought losing weight was hard..