Tune up

Well my tubes are now wide open. One was okay and he got the other one to open up. So after that I had the bloodwork rerun and my test came back great. So where does that leave s? No where. Thats where. Now we wait. Yeah, thats going to go over well. Anyhow enough posting about my girl bits.

The weather has turned fabulous lately and my mind is over run with possiblities of flowers and arrangements. I cannot help it. It is cheaper than crack or gambling so I'm sticking with it. Nothing is more satisfying than dirt under the nails.

Okay I will blab more later but I need to shave.

I'm an idiot

I finally got the blogroll thing taken care of. Want to visit some neato people? Just click on the fat lady over yonder. Theres a lot of new faces on there now. Some I know personally, some I read everyday, and some I just lurk at. Boy that does sound creepy doesn't it?

I managed to get plants into the ground yesterday. Bulbs and bushes all done. For now anyway. But at some point I got bit by a spider in a place that came damn near close to violation. Let me rewind this a bit. See last summer during my planting frenzy I was sitting on the lawn wearing shorts and digging my happy little heart out. Then this spider crawls into my shorts and bites me on the crotch. No, I'm totally not kidding. Not only was it painful, but embarassing. So now imagine my humiliation when last night my husband gets up from our little grope fest and flips the lights on. He inspects me and it is confirmed, there is yet another bite. A few inches off from last time, but I consider anything inside the panty line uncalled for. Those damn spiders have it in for me. There are so many of them too. The cats and birds eat some, but its not enough. I may have to call in the big guns and have something sprayed.

I've decided to do something crafty. Now I'm not really a crafty person, but maybe I should be. I see people with all these interesting hobbies and I feel a tad left out. My attempt at knitting was pathetic. I'm guessing crocheting would be the same. Hmmmmmmm. Finding something you don't completely suck at isn't as easy as one would think it would be.

I'm trying to keep my mind from racing about my hsg tomorrow. I know its a basic test and it shouldn't be a problem. But can I just say something? Its not the pain I'm worried about. Its the possibility of me seeing my tubes are blocked, or some alien eating away at my uterus. Enough said. No more about the snatch invaders.

Fattys most wanted

It is the time of year where the flowers are coming to life and mrs fatty emerges from her long hybernation to declare war on all weeds. Armed with a pair of safety goggles and a gallon jug of weed and grass killer I attacked everything I could find hiding between the bricks and popping up in garden beds. This is a never ending battle as we seem to have some kind of super soil that spawns its own weeds. I pulled and stabbed and hopefully everything will be gone by next week so I can get some plants put down. Just the thought of how much work building our bbq pit is going to be is almost enough to make me not want it. Almost. But I really prefer to cook outside, especially when its something stinky like crab or fish. Since we eat seafood at least twice a week it seems like a good idea. One thing I am excited about is that we are going to rent one of those cool little tractor digging things. Oh yeah, I'm going to dig some big ass holes just because I can. I should never be left unsupervised with any kind of machienery. Never.

I'm still meaning to do some upkeep on this blog, but it seems that as the days get longer my ability to stay in front of this box gets shorter and shorter. Blogroll be damned, I will get around to it this week. Or next week. Whatever.

This weekend will be a busy one. Not only was my hsg moved to friday (giving me way to little time to obsess), but lao new year is saturday, and so is our anniversary. We still haven't made plans for our anniversary, and I'm not too worried about it. What I am worried about is making the 200 bags of cookies and candies for new years. I should have started last week, but being the responsible person I am, I haven't even thought about starting yet. Well, thats a lie, I thought about it. I just didn't do it. I have finally found a camera I like. Now I just have to save up for it. Its a sony something or another, and a pretty big purchase. I played with it in the store and it is fabulous. I feel sorry for my dear readers when I am armed with photos of my life.

boobfest '06

Well last night was my husbands award dinner. I have to admit being dressed up felt great. My boobs were on full alert, shoes looked great, and the drinks were very very strong. On the way to the dinner I had a sudden rush of 'oh my god what am I thinking wearing something so low cut to a company function' nerves. But as we came thru the door I was glad to see I had just walked into boobfest 06. All the wives were there standing besides their husbands breast ready to pop out at any sudden movement. The thing is that we are not young perky things, but most of us do have nice boobage and apparently decided it was time to let them out. It was nice to see everyone I usually see in jeans and a pony tail all dressed up too.

My husband recieved his three ruby award and I was very proud. Its not very often someone can say they are one of the best at their trade but my husband is. I can't wait to see the pictures of us all dressed up and totally tanked next week.

Afterwards we decided it was a bit early to go home so we went to see a movie. Lucky number sleven was a pretty good compromise because although it is pretty violent it does have a good story line too it. On a side note today we took my son and a few nieces and nephews to see Iceage 2 and it was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous! After the movie we decided to go have dinner. I won't go into what we ate because it isn't very diet friendly but it was damn good. One thing my husband couldn't help but notice was that the waiter could not keep his eyes above my neckline. He was flattered and frustrated and I must admit it was a bit cute.

Now onto vaginal news. Period...check....blood test in the morning....check....absolute fear about up coming hsg.... CHECK. I'm a wus and I'm aware of it. I only have nine more days to fear it though. Nine long days.

tick tock

I'm still waiting. I'm still late. I'm still crampy. Stupid uterus.

I lurk therefore I am

I read a lot of blogs on a regular basis that I don't believe I have ever commented on. Its not a lack of interest, its just sometimes I don't have much to say. A lot of times actually. I need to update my blogroll because some I no longer read, and some just arent' there anymore. My point in all this ass flappin? I don't know. I'm not sure. I cant focus right now. Why? I'm late..... and I noticed that two bloggers on my roll have officially gotten knocked up! I am so happy for them, but as I sit here negative test in the trash and the beginnings of cramps coming on I feel a bit sad. I think this will be a week with some margaritas in it. I totally forgot what I even started this post for. I'll organize my thoughts and try again tomorrow.

Crap whatever, I'll admit it, I'm upset. I let hope rear her nasty head here. BIG TIME. I have a chart that is just perfect. We had great timing. My boobs feel like they have been closed in an elevator door many times, and blah blah blah. I don't know if I'm prepared for cycle day 1. My husbands birthday is tomorrow and being the dumb girl I am I thought that I was pregnant and it would make the perfect gift. I even thought of how to tell him. Now I'm thinking about how many pads I have left. I know, I know its not over until the fat lady sings. I can tell shes warming up and it sucks.

I am reserving the right to finish my monthly whine tomorrow.

Temptation

My son planted a pear tree a few years back. We have had the joy of watching this tree take roots and grow bigger than all of us. Last year I thought it would be the year I would finally get to taste one of its delicious fruits. It tried. It taunted and tempted me but never produced anything larger than a bouncy ball. This year I have pruned and loved this tree almost to an obsession. I love pears. I eat them almost every day. Now I wait. Ready to pounce at the scent of a ripe pair. Every day I circle the tree muttering sweet threats to make it into fire wood if I don't get fruit. This is unhealthy I know. And to make it worse we planted more fruit trees this year. So over the next few years I will be threatening innocent cherries, apples, and asian pears. Thank god cake doesn't grow on trees.

I have a few more changes to make to this rackety old blog of mine and will do them this week. I like this template and think I'll keep it, but I'm unhappy with a few things. Knowing I have the computer skills of a two year old I will probably mess things up so bear with me.

Men

I really feel that I am at a disadvantage not to have a penis in this household. Even the cats are boys. Well one was a girl but since having her fixed I think she is secretly conspiring with the boys. If you ask my friend she will tell you she thinks that the sexes are equal and should be treated the same. I say bullshit. I for one can manage to use the bathroom without hitting the toilet seat and the lid. I can take my socks off and put them in a hamper. And of course I can say thing and actually mean what I said. These traits are not present in the penis population in my house.

Take today for example. My husband says he is going outside to fix the truck. I thought they were fixing the truck, but apparently fixing the truck is code for drink beer and bullshit with the guy three doors down about lawn mower repair. Silly me.

The reason my son (who I swear should work for nasa right now) cannot aim completely escapes me. The toilet seems like a pretty big target. Come to think of it the hamper is pretty damn big too. Its not that damn hard. Yet he can do one of those rubiks cube thingies in the time it takes me to make dinner.

My husband is an interesting specimen. He has no idea how to organize anything or, like his partner in crime, put dirty clothes in the hamper. Up until he met me he had no idea girls could swim when they had their period. Soon to be 38, he still doesn't know how to use a blinker, and of course doesn't realize that tracking mud on a clean floor is a nono. However, when it comes to moving things or digging huge holes for me he's the champ. I think I love him more because I don't understand him.

So you can understand why I'm a little scared that he has taken over our anniversary plans. He just said I would be suprised. Well thats nice. But there are good (like yay a vacation) and bad (like oh wow theres bird crap on my jacket) suprises. I am hoping that this one will be good. His birthday is coming up and I am at a loss as to what to get him. I was going to do some pin up style pictures for him, but I think I need a bit more time to build up some confidence for that. So now we are less than two weeks away and I haven't got a clue. Why do men have to be so difficult?

Got snout?

We have decided that on Monday we shall make snouts. The zoo is having some sort of pig fest and animals in spring training. I know your all jealous. Who wouldn't want to be close to this uh lovable creature. It makes me giggle and a bit nervous. I just hope the damn thing doesn't try to eat me.

My working out is coming along great lately. Since I was told to cut back I find that I am actually enjoying myself instead of forcing myself to the gym. I am excited that the time of year is coming where I can take my pale self outside to soak up some sun. Oh thats right you all have no idea how pale I am. My butt could blind people. It is whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Usually by august I pick up a bit of color but this year I'm hoping to not look quite so dead a bit sooner. Having fair skin and light hair makes me prone to burn and freckle instead of tan so I take whatever I can get. I checked out a book today of waterfalls around here so I can make a map of where we want to hike this year. I really can't wait. Beats the smelly gym anyday.

So the phone call with Dr. M ended up with him calling me a wus and making my appointment for my hsg anyway. Yes, he's a special kind of doctor. So if all goes well and my dumb uterus cooperates it looks like Tuesday the 11th will be it. I admitted to my husband I was nervous with all that is fixing to happen and he said he is too. But then he smiled and said he's excited at the same time. Is it because they aren't shoving things into him? I mean I love him and all but all he had to do was give a semen sample. Lucky schmuck

Sneaky bastard

Usually I post something about it being time to mate here in the fatty household and since I have started keeping track of mucus and temps I was always right. Until now. That sneaky bastard came early! 4 days early. I didn't even get to pee on anything. I even had an oh so clever pic of an egg to post but stupid blogger isn't cooperating. Oh well, now time to wait.

In the meantime we've decided instead of going out of state for our summer vacation this year we are going to just travel around here in oregon and see all it has to offer. So yep, we'll be looking at trees. I think the beach, crater lake, and maybe a trip to the eastern side will keep us occupied for a bit. Now I'm trying to make plans for spring break. My son has next week off and weather permitting I think we are going to take the light rail down to the zoo. Thats the plus about living in the city. Public transportation here rocks. And parking at places like the zoo is scary. Its about 400 cranky moms in hugs ass suv's fighting for 2 spots. I'd rather take the max and read. Besides that I'm not really sure what we will be up to. My son wants to make fortune cookies so we might give that a go. I should put a fortune that says it is wise to empty the garbage every day in my husbands cookie.

I heart sweats

I have never been a very dressy person. Truth be known my favorite article of clothing is the sweats I have on now. I don't get my hair done, and really don't care much for makeup. We just found out that my husband will be part of an awards ceremony next month and it is a dress up event. I have a hard time finding jeans and t-shirts. The search for a dress may just drive me over the edge. Will I be able to find something that fits my boobs without making my butt look non existant? Will I look like mrs. claus if I decide to go with something red? Do I have to try 600 on to find the right one? I know the answer to that one is yes already. My husband is excited and actually offered to take me shopping once again. Yes, I know that was brave of him. He knows that shoe shopping will be involved to, but is still wanting to go. $20 says by the third hour he will think of a reason to end up at a sports bar.

Today I thought about buying another digital camera. I have one, I just never use it. I find the delay between pressing the button and the actual picture being taken annoying as hell. I like to take pics of things in motion, and just haven't found a digital one I actually like. I think my blog readers have also been saved by the fact that I don't have one many times. I can picture myself posting pics of mucus and stray hairs. That does sound like fun. I might just have to get one! Any reccomendations for digital cameras that aren't shit?

Moving on

My husband and I had an interesting coversation today over lunch. I guess when I was morbidly obese I didn't notice people not seeing me because I was trying with all my might to fade away. Now people see me. Men see me. My husband sees men see me. He is having a hard time adjusting to that at the moment. He is not jealous. Just caught off gaurd. He is proud of me and tells people how hard I have worked, but at the same time doesn't really know what to do when people say I look good. I've noticed he holds me a little tighter and holds my arm close to him instead of just my hand. I really don't know how to respond to people yet either. The other day I went for a walk on the golf course and was suprised when almost everyone that walked past me smiled and said hello. Looking back I don't think its because I'm not as fat anymore. I think that its a change in confidence. I don't know if people smiled at me before because my head was always cast down as I was trying to fade into the surroundings.

How we went from that convo to my uterus I'm not sure, but it happened. I am calling tomorrow to schedule my hsg which I should have had long ago. The problem is I'm nervous about getting dye shot into my girl parts. I really prefer things like that just stay away from my crotch area all together. Anyway, if that comes back clear we will go in and decide where to go from here. Dr. M has suggested we skip clomid altogether because of my horrible experience before and move on to "other" options. In other words my husband will be stabbing me in the butt every night with a needle. I know whats coming. Buttholes. I have even decided to try iui if it is needed. So what made me change my mind? My husband. Sometimes I forget how desperate he is for a baby too. As the years have gone by his friends have had 1,2, or even 3 kids and now he is feeling the emptiness. I guess I have learned how to deal with it, but I really don't want to see him go thru it.

I'm really just scared. Its not finances or medical issues, its just me and my 40 ton bag of fear. What if we move on to iui or ivf and we fail? What then. This is the last resort and then what? And I thought losing weight was hard..

Sorrow

Today we went to the funeral. It was heartbreaking, and I don't believe I have ever seen such sorrow. The shoulder of my dress was soaked from the tears of my husband and I tried to be strong for him but I just couldn't do it. Seeing them in their caskets was too much. I hope and pray that their father can find peace after losing his brother, ex wife and two children.

There was a lot of young men there today that were at my nephews funeral too. I hope, no I pray, that after all of this they can think of ways to resolve their problems in peace. I don't know if I can go to another funeral. I just don't think I can.

I have no words

This will be the fifth set of funerals we have go to this year over violent bullshit. I am so tired of watching children being buried.

**I have taken the link down until the family is done greiving. The dad is a very close friend of my husbands and the children were beutiful happy kids. This is basicly a love triangle gone wrong. There were so many clues and signs but they were all ignored, I really just don't know what else to say. This family has had many problems in the past but we were hoping they were all over. All I know is that my heart is breaking for them now.

Smashed

What moon songs

Do you sing your babies

What sunshineDo you bring

Who belongs

Who decides who’s crazy

Who rights wrongs

Where others cling

I’ll sing for you

If you want me to

I’ll give to you

And it’s a chance

I’ll have to take

And it’s a chance

I’ll have to break

I go along

Just because I’m lazy

I go along

To be with you

And those moon songs

That you sing your babies

Will be the songs

To see you thru

I’ll hear your song

If you want me to

I’ll sing along

And it’s a chance

I’ll have to take

And it’s a chance

I’ll have to break

I’m in love with you

I’m in love with you

I’m in love with you

I’m in love with you

So in love