Sep 20, 2006


Man I have been in a funk lately that has just been getting deeper at rapid speed. It all started with a day at the park. In order to keep my butt from spreading I ride my bike to pick up my son after school and then we go to the park for about an hour or so. He has been so hesitant to take the training wheels off his bike but I finally talked him into it. Now take into consideration that this was just a few days after his 7th birthday. He hopped on his bike and I let go. Yeah it hurt. It sucked even more because I stood there all teary eyed and he peddled off on his own. It just seems like he learned how to walk. I know that in the blink of an eye he will be driving and leaving for college. I felt so much joy and so much pain all at once. How can this be? He has grown up before my eyes, but it seems like I’m just getting to know him. It made it worse by the fact that he was in tears because he was afraid daddy would not be proud of him. He is so tough and so fragile at the same time. Its an odd feeling when you get to this stage. They are complete people now with thoughts and emotions all their own. Oh sure you can try and change them but good luck. It makes me think of all the time I missed. I had no choice, I was a single mother. What was I supposed to do? We needed food to eat and a safe place to live so I had to work. I am beyond grateful that I met my husband and have been able to stay home since but I often wonder what I missed. Did he have smiles for me and I wasn’t there to see them? Was he disappointed when mommy was to tired from working 12 hours to play? These thoughts break my heart. I try to give him everything he needs now but I often wonder if it is enough. We must have done something right because he is a great person.

Besides that I started a new cycle about two weeks ago. I was timid to start the femara but just went balls to the wall and did it. I am happy to say that I didn’t have any of the side effects I had with clomid. As a matter of fact I have been experiencing the most slobbery stretchy ewcm I have ever had. Oh yeah baby, that’s the good stuff. So now I am just sitting here waiting for this egg to pop out so I can move on with my obsession. I’m not putting to much into this cycle so I’m not too worried about it. Lets move on shall we?
My idea to pick up a hobby to keep me busy was apparently a good idea. I have been knitting like there is no tomorrow. Mostly scarves because if you have ever been to Oregon you know it is cold and damp and crappy 99% of the time. They must be nice because I have a list now of people who want one to call their own. I am currently working on my nephews in an amazing blue that is just so soft you want to roll around naked in it.

As for the blogroll it is under construction for a bit. I have a huge list of blogs I read, but I need to narrow it down. I feel like a small more comfy roll is what I need.

Sep 17, 2006


Theres no reason for my lack of post. A lot is going on, none of them being a pregnancy. Just have lost my blogger mojo. The thoughts are coming back but right now I've got a bigger battle on my hands