Dec 19, 2006


It has been a long month. I'm still not in a place of great mental health but it is getting better. My first cycle post miscarriage passed with little fanfare except a lot of spotting post ovulation. This cycle I made the decision to start the femara. Ready or not here I come. The day after I started taking my lovely little pills we got a phone call that a long time friend of my husbands had passed. Travelling out of state is never my favorite thing to do, but washington still had major power outages so I really wasn't looking forward to it. Being the dutiful (even if I complain a lot) wife I am I packed a bag and off we went. As we crossed the river from Oregon into Washington I felt this overwhelming urge to turn around and head back to the safety of my bed. I enjoyed the ride and junkfood as much as I could. We stopped at a greasy diner for food and we got a phone call that my nephew and his girlfriend would have to room with us because all the rooms were booked due to the power outage. Did I mention this girl is pregnant and her due date is only days from mine?????? It was hell but I made it through the night, listening to her blabber on about how excited she was. What I wasn't expecting was to be bombarded by ultrasound photos the next morning. I wanted nothing more than to slap her and scream that those pictures, that morning sickness and little precious baby should all be mine. The funeral was terrible too. I felt bad that everyone at the funeral was crying for the loss of this man while I was crying for my loss.

We came home and the weepiness just got worse. The last few days have been hard, but somehow today feels different. I'm still giving myself permission to cry as needed but I'm hoping it won't need to be so frequent soon. I think there is a connection between sugar and weepiness for me because I find the more sweets I eat the worse it gets so I am trying to cut them out.

Besides that I have started a really good book. The memory keepers daughter has sucked me in so I'm off to finish it