Dec 27, 2005

After the storm

Well we did it we survived. Christmas was fantastic for us and I hope everyone else had a great one too. We were all quite spoiled because we all broke our gift limit promises and just went a little nuts. I'm okay with that. After the wrapping paper was cleared we headed over to the in laws and played santa to all the 18 kids. My son stayed to play while we went home to clean for the guests. I mean why cook with mom when there were so many kids and so much sugar there right?

Fast forward to the actual dinner after we picked my very sugar cracked out son. Our guest were gracious enough to bring a lot of booze. My friend and I finished an insane amount and then everything was a blur for a bit until I some how ended up in my gift from

but uh that needs to be censored for the blog don't you think? But the greatest thing was yesterday. My husband is great but he doesn't really know how to get gifts so I always get a few gifts and then buttloads of gift cards. So yesterday I went shopping. I went a little over board of the underpants and bras but isn't that what christmas is for? I also made some sensible purchases but those are no fun to wear. Oh and I was blessed enough to find jeans that fit. That my friends is the christmas miracle of the year.

Dec 22, 2005

Your so vain

This madness known as christmas is starting to frazzle me a bit. So far today I have ruined one gift, burnt two batches of cookies, gave nuts to someone whos allergic, stepped on my sons foot, and forgotten to shower. But my day is great. Why? Cause I have my stereo going in the kitchen, fattening stuff going in the oven, and this is the last of my stuff to do before C day.

I ahem uh am going lingerie shopping tomorrow so wish me god speed and such. I know what things he likes; lace, nipples blaring, easy to tear off, and hopefully crotchless. My only concern is that its not something that requires more than 3 steps to get it on and or won't need more than one person to help me get out of it. I'm amazed that I can walk into victorias secret or fredericks and just pick stuff off the shelf so its time to quit being timid and take the dive.

This holiday looks good for us. We set spending limits on gifts and then turn around and broke them. I don't think any of us really expected to stick to them. My son made out the best of course. I'm not even a kid and I'm jealous of the stuff he got. As for me they have yet to do that shopping and plan on going tomorrow after temple. Shit I almost forgot I have to prepare all the fruit. My son is always amazed by the silence of the hallways and the brightness of the orange robes. The monks at the temple we go to are kind and absolutely love it when my son comes to visit. Woah I got sidetracked...

I am putting this here so that if my husband breaks his promise I can show it to him. He has PROMISED to either fix the dryer or replace it by January 3rd. If he does not I'm hijacking his golf clubs. Why do I have the feeling that pretty soon there will be a set of clubs sitting next to my desk?

Crap I smell something burning. Merry christmas everyone!

Dec 19, 2005


Merry christmas everyone. I wish we could all leave little cyber gifts under our e trees but really I have enough to do anyway. Portland was hit with a wonderful suprise of snow and ice yesterday. I could not have been happier. The cats were a little pissed because that ment they had to come inside but besides that we just spent the day playing and sitting in the window watching it all. Its funny but sitting in our window yesterday made us feel like we were inside a giant snow globe. So thats what I wanted for christmas and I got it. Maybe I should have wished for better boobs. Our christmas shopping is done, well except for mine and hubby's gifts to each other. Those always get done at the end of the shopping season when we really have time to think about it. I think I run on autopilot from december 1st to the 20th. We have had to postpone our christmas vacation until new years because of family visiting but that is fine and the hotel was more than gracious to move our reservation. We even get a free bottle of wine for going on new years! So now I'm in the mad dash to get the house ready and oh yes, pick up a gift for the visitor.

Holiday stuff aside I seen another 4.5 inches melt away somewhere in the last month. Wether or not they will stay off during the cookie bonanza that is fixing to take place is not really a concern of mine. I've learned that when I worry about it my fat multiplies like rabbits on fertility drugs, and when I don't well, it just kind of takes care of itself.

I know I've got a bunch of comments to reply to and emails to respond to but be patient. I am just trying to keep sane during this season. Also I'm trying not to focus too much on the fact that my ovulation should be occuring on christmas. My eggs like to show up on holidays it seems. But now instead of dreaming of opening gifts and having a decadent dinner all I can think about is unwrapping my husband under the tree. I guess me and mr. fatty will just have to get up a little early.

Dec 16, 2005


Okay okay I have read the blogs of the dieters who weigh out every ounce of lettuce, and I belong to a message board group who is supposed to be supportive and understanding but theres a few things I feel I should say. I don't weigh shit. I don't eat rabbit food and I don't particularly care for frozen food. If you do thats okay but really don't put me down because I prefer real food that actually has a taste. You want to know what I'm doing right now? Eating chocolate. Oh yeah I do that, and I'm still getting smaller. Its just a matter of eating less and moving more. Yeah yeah low carb this and vinegar swallowing that. I stopped dieting and obsessing and well I stopped gaining weight too.

I feel a tad better. I know waiting for a baby is hard and I will take a lot of flack for this but if you are morbidly obese you have no right going on fertility drugs. Oh yeah I can hear my email box filling up now. How can you expect your body to preform a miracle when its running off of lard.

Dec 15, 2005

MMMMmmm thursdays

Thirteen Things fatty thinks are scary

1. Spiders. Any kind, any size. Not a fan.
2. Dogs.
3. Cliffs, especially when my husband is driving on the way to the coast
4. Well my husbands driving in general.
5. My moms driving too
6. Bats
7. Car accidents
8. Credit cards
9. My inlaws
10. Buffets
11. Women who have had too many facelifts
12. Wild turkeys
13. Reunions
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Dec 12, 2005

Circle time

When I think back over the years I have been a very lucky woman. Right now I think I have all I can ask for. A healthy family, a home, money in the bank, and a great marriage. But lets rewind all of this back a few years. When I had my son I was alone. No help from his dad, I was completely on my own. So I did what I thought was best and went out and got a job. A horrible job working on dirty metal parts that weighed more than I did. Wearing heat proof gloves and a face mask had never been in my future plans but here I was. I was okay kind of. We had an apartment, food, and some basic things. But then there was my saving grace. There was a family who didn't know us well at all who came in and gave me the best gift there was. Hope. They brought my son a gift because well I was struggeling. Never asked anything in return, just wished me a merry christmas. I have never seen them again, but today as I was unloading all the gifts we bought for boys and girls club I couldn't help but think of them and their smiles. I just want them to know that every year when I pick a tag off a tree or take part in some kind of gift giving I always think of them and how their moment of kindness has taught me a lifelong lesson. It made such a difference in my life and I hope that my family can make a difference in someone elses too.

Okay sentimental time over. Hahahaha. Thank you for the kind words and emails from everyone the other day. Its just that my ovaries can be such asses sometimes I have to let a little bit of it out. Last night I dreamed I had a house full of children. Yeah. But the thing is I know it will happen somehow. Wether they come flying out my crotch, or we adopt I know there will be more dirty diapers and crayon scribblings on the wall. Just it still sucks. I have never been one to have a lot of patience so when I am faced with another month of waiting and wondering it gets a little overwhelming. So what did I do? Well the first night my son took me out for french fries and we talked about all the latest kindegarten gossip. The next night my husband decided we needed to get out.

First we went to get my sons haircut. And I figured why we were there why the hell not and plopped down in the chair after he was done. 40 minutes and 6 some odd inches later I emerged feeling fantastic. I don't think my hair has ever been this short in my life but I really do love it. Now my husband says he can finally see my face. The funny thing is that we ran into a friend of ours and she didn't recognize me at all! She thought he was out with another woman and came up to confront him. I guess thats what losing 60lbs and a great haircut can do for a girl.

After that and finishing up our christmas shopping we decided to go out for dinner. Mmmmm spagetti. So we order a big plate of spagetti and all shared it, taking our time and actually enjoying being out. I decided to have a drink since theres only a few days a month I really can. Well its pretty obvious I don't drink much when one bicardi and diet coke and part of a mango margaritta makes me want to run around in 20 degree weather in my underpants. Since I was wearing my period panties I decided against it and just giggled. I felt good and very lucky as I watched my husband and son sing to me from across the table. I love them both very much. But I would still like them to learn how to pick up their damn socks.


Dear Santa,
Would it be too much to ask for a truck of roast beef and a healthy pooch for a fellow blogger?

Dec 9, 2005

Damn spot

Forgive me for a minute because I am going to whine a bit.

Yesterday while shopping for gifts for charity I had to look at some baby clothes. I thought I was okay with this cycle pretty much looking like shit but suprise suprise I wasn't. I cried last night for so many reasons. For those of you who don't know I was a single mom when I met my husband. And a new mom at that. I was working to support my son and I and sometimes I feel like I missed so much. After we got married I stayed home but I can never get back that time I missed. So now as I sit and think that my husband, who is a wonderful father, may never have a child of his own its almost too much to bear. I got my hope up and that is the worst thing to do. I just want it so badly.

Today I was all excited until my temps came down and that stupid spot showed up. Now the cramping is here and not even fries could shut that up. Please don't fill my comments with next time, and your time will come, or worst of all just relax and it will happen. I need the sympathy, I just wanted to get it off my chest. Tomorrow will be better.

Dec 8, 2005


Thirteen Things I want for Christmas

1 . A maid
2 . A back up maid for when she is sick
3 . A dryer. Yes my fabulous husband is still trying to fix ours. I would just go get one but in some sick way I'm actually starting to enjoy the laundromat again. I know, that freaks me out too.
4 . A baby would be nice
5 . My son to learn to aim a little bit better
6 . Better headphones. Mine hold sweat and after a while it gets really gross and then my ears smell like a dogs rear.
7 . A workout bag that actually holds stuff. Not some froofry towel and water bottle holding thing, but something that can hold all my junk.
8 . Snow
9 . That picture I've had my eye on for the bedroom
10. The boobs of a 17 year old
11. A decent espresso maker
12. Shoes, always shoes
13. An oompa loompa, not one of the new ones in the freaky remake but one of the originals. He can help me take the clothes to the laundromat.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Dec 7, 2005

Well well well I made it thru another wednesday. Suprised? Me too. If I haven't explained the wednesday crappy phenomenon please let me do so. And if I spelled that wrong, I'm not suprised about that either. Every wed. everyone likes to throw heaps of crap to do at me. Its a conspiracy really. The phone starts ringing at 7 and doesn't stop until after 11. The school is even in on as today my son brought home a reading log, homework, posters, reportcard, news bulletin and a multitude of stuff I will admit I haven't read yet. Bills get paid on wed which means trips to post office, bank, and the grocery store. My husband likes to have a crisis on wed well because it sends me in to a frantic freak out that he somehow finds attractive. His crisis today? An inch long nose hair. No I'm not kidding and yes we finally got it out. Today I turned the ringer off on the phone after we got back from the library and decided my son and I would go have dinner out to kind of chill. Dinner was fabulous and I came back to 12 missed calls. 12. I still haven't listened to the messages and I'm really tempted to just delete them. I did however get the dishes done, fill out part of the reading log, eat half a chocolate bar, and put deoderant on. For me thats pretty damn good.

Dec 6, 2005

No pictures please

We all have skeletons in our closet. I don't care who you are you have something to hide. One of mine is about 5'10 and 300 lbs. My sister and I never really got along. Not even as kids. She was always a little off and I'm not saying she was slow or ate cat food, she just always looked empty. Six years ago she created a crime that changed the entire dynamic of our family and permanently changed my view on her. I haven't spoken to her since and honestly don't ever care to again. So whats the point of me sharing all of this? After not speaking for so long and not seeing each other what do you think the chances of us living about a mile apart are. Pretty god damn good apparently. It makes me sad and furious to think that after the short amount of time she did in prison and therapy she is out on the streets again. I just think the entire system is really shitty right now. How could they let her out? Okay rant over, moving on.

Today I didn't have the time to make it to the gym amid all the crap I had to wade thru so I decided to take advantage of the fitness channel we have. I closed all the curtains oh so tight before I started so as not to blind any innocent eyes. About half way thru the lung thrust I suprised myself by starting to sweat. Oh yes, real sweat and a lot of it. How could it be that flopping around in the comfort of my own home could create a downpour equal to that of the gym. It's too bad I don't have kitchen curtains because I bet it would be great to do in underpants.

I found some pictures today. Before pictures. I was really fat. Theres no way around it. Rolls hangin everywhere. So I haven't quite figured out how some bloggers find the courage to post them. I have come to accept my body and my journey but really aren't those before pictures best used in the bottom of a litter box somewhere? Maybe I will feel differently when I can proudly claim my goal. Speaking of which I am getting closer and closer. What am I going to obsess over then? I tried knitting and that was just a horrible experiment. Scrapbooking is way to uh something for me, and I'm just kind of stuck on what to do. Maybe a belly dancing class would distract me. That sounds fun I think I'll look into the community center options.

My son is the very important person of the week at school. Apparently its a huge honor because he gets to be first in line for everything and even had a poster made in his honor. I wonder why we don't have vip days as adults. I want a week where I don't have to fight for a parking spot, or deal with assholes at the post office. Actually I would be happy to have a week off from doing dishes.

Today I had to run into the store to pick up some milk and cereal. I ran in really quickly and grabbed my kashi and organic milk and headed towards the front of the store. I quickly realised that I had come on the worst possible day to step foot into winco. It was food stamp day and I was surrounded by carts overflowing with microwave pizzas and bbq wings. Children and moms were screaming at each other and it almost made me give up. I looked for the shortest line and jumped in behind a lady with four kids and a cart full of frozen dinners. When I say full I mean FULL. I lost count at 40. I'm so glad my tax dollars are paying for all that. I'm also glad my tax dollars pay for all those damn kids, and OH so happy that you will always be a welfare leech until you are upgraded to a disability leech. And then to top it off I hear complaints of having hard times. Heres an idea. Get a job. Close your legs. Buy your kids some clothes that aren't covered in snot. Not that it frustrates me or anything.

Dec 5, 2005

No really

Want to know my secret? I am in love. I my friends fell in love with an 8.5 foot fraser fur. Oh it is so gorgeous. I have spent the last two days decking halls and making strands of cranberries and popcorn and just creating the general christmas atmosphere around the house. Its the kind of tree I always wanted as a kid. Big, bushy, and full of ornaments. My son and husband decided to love the preperations for the holidays too although they put up quite a fight. Once reminded that mom makes no cookies until lights are up they were outside before I could even turn around.

5 lbs gone this week. I have to admit it feels damn good. Don't really have much to say. Will try again tomorrow and see if this farty feelin is gone

Dec 2, 2005

Mailus Maximus

I decided today to get ahead of the game and mail out ALL 57 christmas cards. Now that my wrist are swollen and ink stained I am happy that little peice of christmas hell is over with. Now all I have to do is get money holders for my 17 neices and nephews. I hate the malls this time of year so they are all getting money. Impersonal yes. The ideal gift for teenagers? You bet. The younger ones I'll shop for because I'm a sucker for big slobbery smiles. My son has come to terms with only getting one or two gifts. He is more than willing to trade it for a snowball fight with dad so I would say my mission this year was accomplished. We found a nice condo with a big fireplace and a sledding hill right outside and I can't picture anything better.

Lately I have noticed that 75% of the people in Oregon are stupid. If you live here you should know how to drive in the rain considering thats all it does most the year. It gets dark at 4:30 so turn your lights on dumbass! Since my van needs repairs already I have vowed not to stop for non signalers, idiots stuck in the middle, people on phones or eating, and my favorite, people who sit in the right turn lane and wait for it to be green. YOU CAN TURN RIGHT ON RED! From now until my van is fixed I will just hit you. Be warned. I will also smile and give you the bird as I go on my merry way. Want to aviod it? Learn to drive.

I have lost a few more lbs this week so I am feeling good. There are some people who feel weird about calling me fatty. Heres the thing, I really don't mind. If I did it probably wouldn't be the name of my blog. Now some have asked if I will change my name once I hit my goal weight. Um no. Why? Because as long as their is fondu and chocolate on this earth I will be batteling fat. I may be winning but it will still be a pain in my ass. Go ahead, call me fatty, you know you want to....

I had someone email me and ask my what I did while my dsl shit out on me. Well, I read a lot of books. Yes, I indulged my inner nerd. Heres the basic run down.

This book sucks. I know it is a favorite among the infertile community but I really thought that it was just dumb.

This was much better in my opinion and would highly recommend it.

Although I'm not a fan of the blogs individually I must admit I loved this book. I thought it was funny and inspiring.

And of course my son and I are in the middle of Captain Underpants saga of booger boy. It has thrills and spills and is close to being my favorite of all of them. What is not to love about a waistband warrior?

Now that its back up I'm But I did go to the library today and pick up a new bathroom reader which suck me in every time.

I did go and buy my jacket! I bought an xl to make sure all my snow gear would fit and it does with room to spare. I'm off to dream about snow. Happy weekend everyone.