Apr 27, 2006


This morning we found ourselves at our local immigration office again. I must admit I love the place. The smell of the muffin stall in the back, the sound of my sandals slapping against the cool tile. But most of all I love to people watch. Happy smiles coming out of citizenship testing, people applying to sponsor those less fortunate, and the happy faces of children who have never seen anything as amazing as this country we call home. The mix of 6 different languages blur thru my head almost like music. Some are newly married, some are renewing work visas, some trying to get information on how they can vote. I am in awe of everyone there to have the bravery to pack up and move to a strange country just to give your kids a better life.

Now I know there is a lot of talk about the new immigration practices going on, and I have no intention on getting caught up in it. But one thing I will say is that I honor them, illegal or not, for taking the pissy jobs most americans turn their noses up at. They scrub our toilets, pick our fruit, tend to our vegetables, do our landscaping, work our dumps, and clean up our offices long after we have gone home. And for what? If they are lucky, minimum wage.

Anyway, we had to go to immigration because my husband has finally decided he wants american citizenship. This is something he has been trying to decide for years, but he wants to be able to vote. It was hard for him because in many ways he has been betrayed by our country. He grew up in Laos during the time the us army was using it as a gateway to vietnam. He knows what it is like to have grown used to the sound of bombs. His father was a brave man and joined the us and fought against the vietnamese. Much of the us practices over there were inhumane and sad. His father did what he thought was best because he wanted his children to come to america and have a good life. Well the promise was never kept.

The communist came into Laos and destroyed what was left of his life. They took their food, land and hope. My husband and his family were sent to a family prison, and he stayed there until he could be brought to america. He walked four days thru the jungle terrified of being found and shot. After various rides in the back of dark trucks, and boats he was finally brought to the right people who sponsored his way to america. He has had a permanent resident card ever since. I am so glad he is deciding to become a citizen I cannot even put it into words. We see no reason why he would be denied. He's worked the same job for over 10 years, we own a home, and we've never been in legal trouble.

I have to admit there is another reason for all this. We have decided to look into adoption. Not something right away, but we want to know more. I've always wanted to adopt someone out of fostercare. Having been in a foster home once I know how strange and surreal it can be. I honor people for being foster parents, but to a foster child its like staying in a hotel. You never know when checkout is, and you can never let your gaurd down enough to be comfortable. But now I can see us adopting a 4 or 5 year old in a few years. I know we don't have much. We live in a simple house on a normal street, but somehow I think we might just be what someone needs.

This doesn't mean we aren't trying to have a baby still. We are, but I just feel comforted to know that we will have another child wether we get pregnant or not. I just wish my son would stop asking when he gets to have a brother or sister. You want a challenge? Try explaining infertility to a 6 year old.

Onto fitness news. Tomorrow I do my first trial run for the fun run to see how much progress I've made. Hopefully I don't fall down and twitch until someone revives me. I think I can do it. I have my mp3 player all loaded and ready to go, all I have to do is actually go do it. Hah. I'm also meeting someone to do weekly workouts with me this saturday. It should be fun. Okay I'm done blabbering for the day. I think.

Apr 26, 2006


I know I haven't been the most up to date blogger lately but it is that time of year where my mind tends to wonder and I have trouble putting my words together. I guess you could say it is spring fever but to me it feels more like an emotional awakening after a long slumber. My mornings find me more cat like, curling up on the bed in the path of the sun just soaking it all up. I remember watching cats sleep in the sun when I was younger and not understanding why they liked it so much. Now I find a strange sort of comfort in the warm rays.

My thoughts have turned to Ben a lot and I find I miss his company. I know lives move on and blah, blah, blah, but I miss our summer road trips and nights just sitting aimlessly at the park. I guess if we just would have been honest with each other and layed our feelings out there things might have happened differently. But then I probably wouldn't have found my husband and that is just something I can't even imagine. Its weird when you have a relationship that is so strong, yet you were just on the brink of being lovers. Theres always that question there of what if. But I never felt the way he did to be honest. I just adored our friendship but it just wasn't enough. I hope wherever he is now he is with someone who can make him happy. I picture him having a few kids and maybe finally shaving off that stupid facial hair.

Our friendship actually fizzled out when I introduced him to the man who is my husband now. Me and Mr. Fatty were just dating at the time, but I guess been knew I had found the right person for me and he just faded out. I shouldn't have lied and told him I didn't need him anymore. I did, but in a different way. I suppose it would have ended either way. Mr. fatty was fond of Ben too and misses him often. I hope our paths cross again some day.

It is time for me to start running outdoors. I found a nice path around one of the golf courses that is a bit over 2 miles, so if I lap it twice it should be sufficient. I must admit I'm still not a lover of running. I love it sometimes, but more often I don't. About 15 minutes into it I feel great but the first 15 minutes are pure hell on most days. Maybe its the endorphins kicking in that makes me feel alright. I think I need different shoes for the outdoors because my indoor running shoes just don't seem to offer me the support I need when dodging holes, squirrels and golf balls.

This is all gearing up for the fun run this summer. Its part of the rose festival here in portland and is a costume run before the starlight parade. My husband offered to run with me, but has now decided to hold our spot for the parade. Instead my 6 year old son will run with me. Now onto deciding costumes. We need a cute idea that will be comfortable. Any ideas???

Apr 19, 2006

Tune up

Well my tubes are now wide open. One was okay and he got the other one to open up. So after that I had the bloodwork rerun and my test came back great. So where does that leave s? No where. Thats where. Now we wait. Yeah, thats going to go over well. Anyhow enough posting about my girl bits.

The weather has turned fabulous lately and my mind is over run with possiblities of flowers and arrangements. I cannot help it. It is cheaper than crack or gambling so I'm sticking with it. Nothing is more satisfying than dirt under the nails.

Okay I will blab more later but I need to shave.

Apr 13, 2006

I'm an idiot

I finally got the blogroll thing taken care of. Want to visit some neato people? Just click on the fat lady over yonder. Theres a lot of new faces on there now. Some I know personally, some I read everyday, and some I just lurk at. Boy that does sound creepy doesn't it?

I managed to get plants into the ground yesterday. Bulbs and bushes all done. For now anyway. But at some point I got bit by a spider in a place that came damn near close to violation. Let me rewind this a bit. See last summer during my planting frenzy I was sitting on the lawn wearing shorts and digging my happy little heart out. Then this spider crawls into my shorts and bites me on the crotch. No, I'm totally not kidding. Not only was it painful, but embarassing. So now imagine my humiliation when last night my husband gets up from our little grope fest and flips the lights on. He inspects me and it is confirmed, there is yet another bite. A few inches off from last time, but I consider anything inside the panty line uncalled for. Those damn spiders have it in for me. There are so many of them too. The cats and birds eat some, but its not enough. I may have to call in the big guns and have something sprayed.

I've decided to do something crafty. Now I'm not really a crafty person, but maybe I should be. I see people with all these interesting hobbies and I feel a tad left out. My attempt at knitting was pathetic. I'm guessing crocheting would be the same. Hmmmmmmm. Finding something you don't completely suck at isn't as easy as one would think it would be.

I'm trying to keep my mind from racing about my hsg tomorrow. I know its a basic test and it shouldn't be a problem. But can I just say something? Its not the pain I'm worried about. Its the possibility of me seeing my tubes are blocked, or some alien eating away at my uterus. Enough said. No more about the snatch invaders.

Apr 11, 2006

Fattys most wanted

It is the time of year where the flowers are coming to life and mrs fatty emerges from her long hybernation to declare war on all weeds. Armed with a pair of safety goggles and a gallon jug of weed and grass killer I attacked everything I could find hiding between the bricks and popping up in garden beds. This is a never ending battle as we seem to have some kind of super soil that spawns its own weeds. I pulled and stabbed and hopefully everything will be gone by next week so I can get some plants put down. Just the thought of how much work building our bbq pit is going to be is almost enough to make me not want it. Almost. But I really prefer to cook outside, especially when its something stinky like crab or fish. Since we eat seafood at least twice a week it seems like a good idea. One thing I am excited about is that we are going to rent one of those cool little tractor digging things. Oh yeah, I'm going to dig some big ass holes just because I can. I should never be left unsupervised with any kind of machienery. Never.

I'm still meaning to do some upkeep on this blog, but it seems that as the days get longer my ability to stay in front of this box gets shorter and shorter. Blogroll be damned, I will get around to it this week. Or next week. Whatever.

This weekend will be a busy one. Not only was my hsg moved to friday (giving me way to little time to obsess), but lao new year is saturday, and so is our anniversary. We still haven't made plans for our anniversary, and I'm not too worried about it. What I am worried about is making the 200 bags of cookies and candies for new years. I should have started last week, but being the responsible person I am, I haven't even thought about starting yet. Well, thats a lie, I thought about it. I just didn't do it. I have finally found a camera I like. Now I just have to save up for it. Its a sony something or another, and a pretty big purchase. I played with it in the store and it is fabulous. I feel sorry for my dear readers when I am armed with photos of my life.

Apr 9, 2006

boobfest '06

Well last night was my husbands award dinner. I have to admit being dressed up felt great. My boobs were on full alert, shoes looked great, and the drinks were very very strong. On the way to the dinner I had a sudden rush of 'oh my god what am I thinking wearing something so low cut to a company function' nerves. But as we came thru the door I was glad to see I had just walked into boobfest 06. All the wives were there standing besides their husbands breast ready to pop out at any sudden movement. The thing is that we are not young perky things, but most of us do have nice boobage and apparently decided it was time to let them out. It was nice to see everyone I usually see in jeans and a pony tail all dressed up too.

My husband recieved his three ruby award and I was very proud. Its not very often someone can say they are one of the best at their trade but my husband is. I can't wait to see the pictures of us all dressed up and totally tanked next week.

Afterwards we decided it was a bit early to go home so we went to see a movie. Lucky number sleven was a pretty good compromise because although it is pretty violent it does have a good story line too it. On a side note today we took my son and a few nieces and nephews to see Iceage 2 and it was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous! After the movie we decided to go have dinner. I won't go into what we ate because it isn't very diet friendly but it was damn good. One thing my husband couldn't help but notice was that the waiter could not keep his eyes above my neckline. He was flattered and frustrated and I must admit it was a bit cute.

Now onto vaginal news. Period...check....blood test in the morning....check....absolute fear about up coming hsg.... CHECK. I'm a wus and I'm aware of it. I only have nine more days to fear it though. Nine long days.

Apr 5, 2006

tick tock

I'm still waiting. I'm still late. I'm still crampy. Stupid uterus.

Apr 3, 2006

I lurk therefore I am

I read a lot of blogs on a regular basis that I don't believe I have ever commented on. Its not a lack of interest, its just sometimes I don't have much to say. A lot of times actually. I need to update my blogroll because some I no longer read, and some just arent' there anymore. My point in all this ass flappin? I don't know. I'm not sure. I cant focus right now. Why? I'm late..... and I noticed that two bloggers on my roll have officially gotten knocked up! I am so happy for them, but as I sit here negative test in the trash and the beginnings of cramps coming on I feel a bit sad. I think this will be a week with some margaritas in it. I totally forgot what I even started this post for. I'll organize my thoughts and try again tomorrow.

Crap whatever, I'll admit it, I'm upset. I let hope rear her nasty head here. BIG TIME. I have a chart that is just perfect. We had great timing. My boobs feel like they have been closed in an elevator door many times, and blah blah blah. I don't know if I'm prepared for cycle day 1. My husbands birthday is tomorrow and being the dumb girl I am I thought that I was pregnant and it would make the perfect gift. I even thought of how to tell him. Now I'm thinking about how many pads I have left. I know, I know its not over until the fat lady sings. I can tell shes warming up and it sucks.

I am reserving the right to finish my monthly whine tomorrow.