say what?

Hmmmm, well I'm not exactly sure if I am on deaths bed, but for someone like me to lose my voice is close to hell. We are working on the second day of silence for me. I'm not sure where it went but it is completely and utterly gone. Not a whisper, moan or chuckle has crossed my lips. My husband has taken this opportunity to get out the pressure washer since I cannot object. Its not that he's not handy, its just that he gets a bit carried away with that contraption. When he has the pressure washer out all the neighborhood kids run because they know if they stand still for even a moment he will wash them too. Its like the sander. I try to avoid bringing it out because as soon as he does I have a million of his half started projects and maybe one that is finished. But short of going outside and turning off the water supply there is nothing I can do to make him stop with the power washer right now. So I'll just sit here silently and pray he covered all my flowers first.

I haven't posted a lot lately because really there hasn't been much to update. I find that taking a break from all things baby making related has opened up a lot of free time for me. I've taken up some crocheting and am thinking about making some photo collages, but besides that I have just been enjoying my days.

I cannot believe my sons first year of school is almost over. It just blows my mind. He left me a whiney, insecure little boy. And now he is emerging as a confident reader at the end of the year. I still smile so big when he reads anything to me. Of course his favorite words to read and write are usually related to poop, vomit, or boogers. But I will take it. My boy is reading. Its such a huge accomplishment I feel that too many parents look over. If I had the ability I would throw him a parade but budget wise thats just not going to happen. So instead I am going to buy him subscriptions to his favorite magazines. Those little disney adventure magazines are his favorite and the comics in there have words easy enough for him to sound out without any parental input. He feels like a stud.

I skipped reading one of the most popular books around and just went and seen the movie on Friday. The davinci code was pretty good in my opinion. I know people are being so critical, but uh its a movie. Its supposed to be entertainment. Yeah blah blah blah and religion and all this. I just loved it because I got to go to it with my hunky husband all alone. Oh yeah.

Bad me

Sorry I've been a bit neglectful lately but my mind has been in a state of hibernation for a bit. I feel rejuvinated now though. I am putting off anything having to do with baby making until the fall so I can train for the 5k without having my mind too crowded. No more herbs, temp taking, or schedules. Well after this month anyway.

I've been doing okay on my workouts but need to devote a bit more time so I have conned my husband into going to the gym with me to keep me motivated a few times a week. The rest of the time its just me and the golf course. Now I need to read some and catch up on all of you.

Love letter

Dear what ever your name is,
Can you please refrain from driving your "car" with the "muffler that sounds like a jet is landing on my house" and "system that sucks because its all bass" down my street at 5 in the morning? It is also not advisable to do this at any hour when I am pmsing.

Thank you so much,
Mrs fatty "the crazy lady who will slash your tires"

What no one told me about losing weight

When I decided to lose some weight I was crammed with all the positives. But there is another side to it.

No one ever told me

1. *That my skin would never bounce all the way back

*That people (especially women) might decide they don't like me as much because I am no longer the "fat" friend

*I still feel weird in tank tops

*Going swimsuit shopping still sucks

*Confidence doesn't come with a smaller waist size

*That I would feel more self concious at 165lbs then I did at 239

*A pregnancy still wouldn't happen

*My hair still looks like shit

*Men noticing me again would creep me out

*People would start talking about fat people to me

I will finish this later, time to work out

Next

This morning we found ourselves at our local immigration office again. I must admit I love the place. The smell of the muffin stall in the back, the sound of my sandals slapping against the cool tile. But most of all I love to people watch. Happy smiles coming out of citizenship testing, people applying to sponsor those less fortunate, and the happy faces of children who have never seen anything as amazing as this country we call home. The mix of 6 different languages blur thru my head almost like music. Some are newly married, some are renewing work visas, some trying to get information on how they can vote. I am in awe of everyone there to have the bravery to pack up and move to a strange country just to give your kids a better life.

Now I know there is a lot of talk about the new immigration practices going on, and I have no intention on getting caught up in it. But one thing I will say is that I honor them, illegal or not, for taking the pissy jobs most americans turn their noses up at. They scrub our toilets, pick our fruit, tend to our vegetables, do our landscaping, work our dumps, and clean up our offices long after we have gone home. And for what? If they are lucky, minimum wage.

Anyway, we had to go to immigration because my husband has finally decided he wants american citizenship. This is something he has been trying to decide for years, but he wants to be able to vote. It was hard for him because in many ways he has been betrayed by our country. He grew up in Laos during the time the us army was using it as a gateway to vietnam. He knows what it is like to have grown used to the sound of bombs. His father was a brave man and joined the us and fought against the vietnamese. Much of the us practices over there were inhumane and sad. His father did what he thought was best because he wanted his children to come to america and have a good life. Well the promise was never kept.

The communist came into Laos and destroyed what was left of his life. They took their food, land and hope. My husband and his family were sent to a family prison, and he stayed there until he could be brought to america. He walked four days thru the jungle terrified of being found and shot. After various rides in the back of dark trucks, and boats he was finally brought to the right people who sponsored his way to america. He has had a permanent resident card ever since. I am so glad he is deciding to become a citizen I cannot even put it into words. We see no reason why he would be denied. He's worked the same job for over 10 years, we own a home, and we've never been in legal trouble.

I have to admit there is another reason for all this. We have decided to look into adoption. Not something right away, but we want to know more. I've always wanted to adopt someone out of fostercare. Having been in a foster home once I know how strange and surreal it can be. I honor people for being foster parents, but to a foster child its like staying in a hotel. You never know when checkout is, and you can never let your gaurd down enough to be comfortable. But now I can see us adopting a 4 or 5 year old in a few years. I know we don't have much. We live in a simple house on a normal street, but somehow I think we might just be what someone needs.

This doesn't mean we aren't trying to have a baby still. We are, but I just feel comforted to know that we will have another child wether we get pregnant or not. I just wish my son would stop asking when he gets to have a brother or sister. You want a challenge? Try explaining infertility to a 6 year old.

Onto fitness news. Tomorrow I do my first trial run for the fun run to see how much progress I've made. Hopefully I don't fall down and twitch until someone revives me. I think I can do it. I have my mp3 player all loaded and ready to go, all I have to do is actually go do it. Hah. I'm also meeting someone to do weekly workouts with me this saturday. It should be fun. Okay I'm done blabbering for the day. I think.

Purrfect

I know I haven't been the most up to date blogger lately but it is that time of year where my mind tends to wonder and I have trouble putting my words together. I guess you could say it is spring fever but to me it feels more like an emotional awakening after a long slumber. My mornings find me more cat like, curling up on the bed in the path of the sun just soaking it all up. I remember watching cats sleep in the sun when I was younger and not understanding why they liked it so much. Now I find a strange sort of comfort in the warm rays.

My thoughts have turned to Ben a lot and I find I miss his company. I know lives move on and blah, blah, blah, but I miss our summer road trips and nights just sitting aimlessly at the park. I guess if we just would have been honest with each other and layed our feelings out there things might have happened differently. But then I probably wouldn't have found my husband and that is just something I can't even imagine. Its weird when you have a relationship that is so strong, yet you were just on the brink of being lovers. Theres always that question there of what if. But I never felt the way he did to be honest. I just adored our friendship but it just wasn't enough. I hope wherever he is now he is with someone who can make him happy. I picture him having a few kids and maybe finally shaving off that stupid facial hair.

Our friendship actually fizzled out when I introduced him to the man who is my husband now. Me and Mr. Fatty were just dating at the time, but I guess been knew I had found the right person for me and he just faded out. I shouldn't have lied and told him I didn't need him anymore. I did, but in a different way. I suppose it would have ended either way. Mr. fatty was fond of Ben too and misses him often. I hope our paths cross again some day.

It is time for me to start running outdoors. I found a nice path around one of the golf courses that is a bit over 2 miles, so if I lap it twice it should be sufficient. I must admit I'm still not a lover of running. I love it sometimes, but more often I don't. About 15 minutes into it I feel great but the first 15 minutes are pure hell on most days. Maybe its the endorphins kicking in that makes me feel alright. I think I need different shoes for the outdoors because my indoor running shoes just don't seem to offer me the support I need when dodging holes, squirrels and golf balls.

This is all gearing up for the fun run this summer. Its part of the rose festival here in portland and is a costume run before the starlight parade. My husband offered to run with me, but has now decided to hold our spot for the parade. Instead my 6 year old son will run with me. Now onto deciding costumes. We need a cute idea that will be comfortable. Any ideas???

Tune up

Well my tubes are now wide open. One was okay and he got the other one to open up. So after that I had the bloodwork rerun and my test came back great. So where does that leave s? No where. Thats where. Now we wait. Yeah, thats going to go over well. Anyhow enough posting about my girl bits.

The weather has turned fabulous lately and my mind is over run with possiblities of flowers and arrangements. I cannot help it. It is cheaper than crack or gambling so I'm sticking with it. Nothing is more satisfying than dirt under the nails.

Okay I will blab more later but I need to shave.

I'm an idiot

I finally got the blogroll thing taken care of. Want to visit some neato people? Just click on the fat lady over yonder. Theres a lot of new faces on there now. Some I know personally, some I read everyday, and some I just lurk at. Boy that does sound creepy doesn't it?

I managed to get plants into the ground yesterday. Bulbs and bushes all done. For now anyway. But at some point I got bit by a spider in a place that came damn near close to violation. Let me rewind this a bit. See last summer during my planting frenzy I was sitting on the lawn wearing shorts and digging my happy little heart out. Then this spider crawls into my shorts and bites me on the crotch. No, I'm totally not kidding. Not only was it painful, but embarassing. So now imagine my humiliation when last night my husband gets up from our little grope fest and flips the lights on. He inspects me and it is confirmed, there is yet another bite. A few inches off from last time, but I consider anything inside the panty line uncalled for. Those damn spiders have it in for me. There are so many of them too. The cats and birds eat some, but its not enough. I may have to call in the big guns and have something sprayed.

I've decided to do something crafty. Now I'm not really a crafty person, but maybe I should be. I see people with all these interesting hobbies and I feel a tad left out. My attempt at knitting was pathetic. I'm guessing crocheting would be the same. Hmmmmmmm. Finding something you don't completely suck at isn't as easy as one would think it would be.

I'm trying to keep my mind from racing about my hsg tomorrow. I know its a basic test and it shouldn't be a problem. But can I just say something? Its not the pain I'm worried about. Its the possibility of me seeing my tubes are blocked, or some alien eating away at my uterus. Enough said. No more about the snatch invaders.

Fattys most wanted

It is the time of year where the flowers are coming to life and mrs fatty emerges from her long hybernation to declare war on all weeds. Armed with a pair of safety goggles and a gallon jug of weed and grass killer I attacked everything I could find hiding between the bricks and popping up in garden beds. This is a never ending battle as we seem to have some kind of super soil that spawns its own weeds. I pulled and stabbed and hopefully everything will be gone by next week so I can get some plants put down. Just the thought of how much work building our bbq pit is going to be is almost enough to make me not want it. Almost. But I really prefer to cook outside, especially when its something stinky like crab or fish. Since we eat seafood at least twice a week it seems like a good idea. One thing I am excited about is that we are going to rent one of those cool little tractor digging things. Oh yeah, I'm going to dig some big ass holes just because I can. I should never be left unsupervised with any kind of machienery. Never.

I'm still meaning to do some upkeep on this blog, but it seems that as the days get longer my ability to stay in front of this box gets shorter and shorter. Blogroll be damned, I will get around to it this week. Or next week. Whatever.

This weekend will be a busy one. Not only was my hsg moved to friday (giving me way to little time to obsess), but lao new year is saturday, and so is our anniversary. We still haven't made plans for our anniversary, and I'm not too worried about it. What I am worried about is making the 200 bags of cookies and candies for new years. I should have started last week, but being the responsible person I am, I haven't even thought about starting yet. Well, thats a lie, I thought about it. I just didn't do it. I have finally found a camera I like. Now I just have to save up for it. Its a sony something or another, and a pretty big purchase. I played with it in the store and it is fabulous. I feel sorry for my dear readers when I am armed with photos of my life.

boobfest '06

Well last night was my husbands award dinner. I have to admit being dressed up felt great. My boobs were on full alert, shoes looked great, and the drinks were very very strong. On the way to the dinner I had a sudden rush of 'oh my god what am I thinking wearing something so low cut to a company function' nerves. But as we came thru the door I was glad to see I had just walked into boobfest 06. All the wives were there standing besides their husbands breast ready to pop out at any sudden movement. The thing is that we are not young perky things, but most of us do have nice boobage and apparently decided it was time to let them out. It was nice to see everyone I usually see in jeans and a pony tail all dressed up too.

My husband recieved his three ruby award and I was very proud. Its not very often someone can say they are one of the best at their trade but my husband is. I can't wait to see the pictures of us all dressed up and totally tanked next week.

Afterwards we decided it was a bit early to go home so we went to see a movie. Lucky number sleven was a pretty good compromise because although it is pretty violent it does have a good story line too it. On a side note today we took my son and a few nieces and nephews to see Iceage 2 and it was faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous! After the movie we decided to go have dinner. I won't go into what we ate because it isn't very diet friendly but it was damn good. One thing my husband couldn't help but notice was that the waiter could not keep his eyes above my neckline. He was flattered and frustrated and I must admit it was a bit cute.

Now onto vaginal news. Period...check....blood test in the morning....check....absolute fear about up coming hsg.... CHECK. I'm a wus and I'm aware of it. I only have nine more days to fear it though. Nine long days.

tick tock

I'm still waiting. I'm still late. I'm still crampy. Stupid uterus.

I lurk therefore I am

I read a lot of blogs on a regular basis that I don't believe I have ever commented on. Its not a lack of interest, its just sometimes I don't have much to say. A lot of times actually. I need to update my blogroll because some I no longer read, and some just arent' there anymore. My point in all this ass flappin? I don't know. I'm not sure. I cant focus right now. Why? I'm late..... and I noticed that two bloggers on my roll have officially gotten knocked up! I am so happy for them, but as I sit here negative test in the trash and the beginnings of cramps coming on I feel a bit sad. I think this will be a week with some margaritas in it. I totally forgot what I even started this post for. I'll organize my thoughts and try again tomorrow.

Crap whatever, I'll admit it, I'm upset. I let hope rear her nasty head here. BIG TIME. I have a chart that is just perfect. We had great timing. My boobs feel like they have been closed in an elevator door many times, and blah blah blah. I don't know if I'm prepared for cycle day 1. My husbands birthday is tomorrow and being the dumb girl I am I thought that I was pregnant and it would make the perfect gift. I even thought of how to tell him. Now I'm thinking about how many pads I have left. I know, I know its not over until the fat lady sings. I can tell shes warming up and it sucks.

I am reserving the right to finish my monthly whine tomorrow.

Temptation

My son planted a pear tree a few years back. We have had the joy of watching this tree take roots and grow bigger than all of us. Last year I thought it would be the year I would finally get to taste one of its delicious fruits. It tried. It taunted and tempted me but never produced anything larger than a bouncy ball. This year I have pruned and loved this tree almost to an obsession. I love pears. I eat them almost every day. Now I wait. Ready to pounce at the scent of a ripe pair. Every day I circle the tree muttering sweet threats to make it into fire wood if I don't get fruit. This is unhealthy I know. And to make it worse we planted more fruit trees this year. So over the next few years I will be threatening innocent cherries, apples, and asian pears. Thank god cake doesn't grow on trees.

I have a few more changes to make to this rackety old blog of mine and will do them this week. I like this template and think I'll keep it, but I'm unhappy with a few things. Knowing I have the computer skills of a two year old I will probably mess things up so bear with me.

Men

I really feel that I am at a disadvantage not to have a penis in this household. Even the cats are boys. Well one was a girl but since having her fixed I think she is secretly conspiring with the boys. If you ask my friend she will tell you she thinks that the sexes are equal and should be treated the same. I say bullshit. I for one can manage to use the bathroom without hitting the toilet seat and the lid. I can take my socks off and put them in a hamper. And of course I can say thing and actually mean what I said. These traits are not present in the penis population in my house.

Take today for example. My husband says he is going outside to fix the truck. I thought they were fixing the truck, but apparently fixing the truck is code for drink beer and bullshit with the guy three doors down about lawn mower repair. Silly me.

The reason my son (who I swear should work for nasa right now) cannot aim completely escapes me. The toilet seems like a pretty big target. Come to think of it the hamper is pretty damn big too. Its not that damn hard. Yet he can do one of those rubiks cube thingies in the time it takes me to make dinner.

My husband is an interesting specimen. He has no idea how to organize anything or, like his partner in crime, put dirty clothes in the hamper. Up until he met me he had no idea girls could swim when they had their period. Soon to be 38, he still doesn't know how to use a blinker, and of course doesn't realize that tracking mud on a clean floor is a nono. However, when it comes to moving things or digging huge holes for me he's the champ. I think I love him more because I don't understand him.

So you can understand why I'm a little scared that he has taken over our anniversary plans. He just said I would be suprised. Well thats nice. But there are good (like yay a vacation) and bad (like oh wow theres bird crap on my jacket) suprises. I am hoping that this one will be good. His birthday is coming up and I am at a loss as to what to get him. I was going to do some pin up style pictures for him, but I think I need a bit more time to build up some confidence for that. So now we are less than two weeks away and I haven't got a clue. Why do men have to be so difficult?

Got snout?

We have decided that on Monday we shall make snouts. The zoo is having some sort of pig fest and animals in spring training. I know your all jealous. Who wouldn't want to be close to this uh lovable creature. It makes me giggle and a bit nervous. I just hope the damn thing doesn't try to eat me.

My working out is coming along great lately. Since I was told to cut back I find that I am actually enjoying myself instead of forcing myself to the gym. I am excited that the time of year is coming where I can take my pale self outside to soak up some sun. Oh thats right you all have no idea how pale I am. My butt could blind people. It is whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Usually by august I pick up a bit of color but this year I'm hoping to not look quite so dead a bit sooner. Having fair skin and light hair makes me prone to burn and freckle instead of tan so I take whatever I can get. I checked out a book today of waterfalls around here so I can make a map of where we want to hike this year. I really can't wait. Beats the smelly gym anyday.

So the phone call with Dr. M ended up with him calling me a wus and making my appointment for my hsg anyway. Yes, he's a special kind of doctor. So if all goes well and my dumb uterus cooperates it looks like Tuesday the 11th will be it. I admitted to my husband I was nervous with all that is fixing to happen and he said he is too. But then he smiled and said he's excited at the same time. Is it because they aren't shoving things into him? I mean I love him and all but all he had to do was give a semen sample. Lucky schmuck