Quick update

Well that was scary. I was still gushing at the ER. Enough for them to iv me up and prepare me for the worst. Top that off I had two pregnant nurses. Anyway. Baby is wonderful, seemed to be waving at us as a matter of fact. So while I'm freaking out and going crazy its nice to know its still comfy in there. They still don't know what happened. I spent forever at ultrasound so they could look for a subchronic bleed, or some blood pooled up under the placenta. Nada. What they do know is that prior to these bleeding episodes I feel a lot of pressure, so for the next few days I'm supposed to rest as much as I can and when/if I start to feel the pressure head in right away even if I'm not spotting. Is it possible I have such randomly bad luck? Okay back to the couch before mr. fatty gets upset.

wtf did I do

for the last week or so I have had a strict policy of not inspecting the toilet paper after using the bathroom. I have been feeling okay, happy, and even bought my first pair of maternity pants.

So last night while I was sleeping I was having really bad cramps. Woke up this morning to use the bathroom and looked down. Big mistake. I'm bleeding again, and this time its not just a bit of spotting, or some drops here and there. This is like my period. I listened to the heartbeat on the doppler and it is good so I'm not going to the ER tonight unless the bleeding gets heavier. I will wait until morning.

I'm really tired. This pregnancy has just worn me down. Why can't my body just do this right?

Will update after drs visit tomorrow.

****There are now clots and I'm heading to the ER. I can still hear a heart beat....I'm scared my body is killing my baby.********

My big fat stupid update

So I have had every test run you can imagine. Today luckily my wbc were back down to normal, and dr is pretty confident it was a weird fluctuation that can happen in pregnancy. Fine, I'm okay with that.

So off come the pants for another exam and she gathers up some of this discharge I've been having and runs off with it to check for bv. It is pretty common to spot while having bv I guess. So imagine my suprise when she came back in saying she was suprised at what she seen. I do not have bv. I do however have one major yeast infection. Huh. I have no itching. My discharge is watery and not at all cottage cheese like. So just to humor me she took another slide and off she went. Oh yeah, she said there is a ton of yeasty beasties in there. I'm just floored. I've never had one before so this is new but I thought the symptoms were much different then what I have. She usually recommends not treating until 12w but said I should start tx tonight. So off I went to the drugstore reading packages of crap I had no clue on. I picked the most popular 7 day tx and let me tell you I am not looking forward to using it tonight.

Now mr. google is kind of hit and miss on this subject. It seems it can cause spotting, but sometimes not. Well thanks for the help. It didn't help that I spotted after my appointment today but really at this point I think I'm over it. I'm ready to buy black toilet paper and call it a day.

The good news was that all is well with baby. Hb was 160 something at the office today. Mr fatty got to hear it tonight too. My doppler arrived and so I was anxious to show off my dopplering skills. I should come up with a nickname for this little invader. I should also put up a ticker. I'm aware of this. But somehow even though I have seen this little one and heard its beautiful heartbeat it still feels unreal.

Okay off to insert my yeasty beasty cream.

Aren't vaginas supposed to be personal?

Granted I've not always been kind to mine, but really this is getting rediculous. So far I've had 7 different drs up in there. No, not since starting treatment, thats since being pregnant. Tomorrow will be lucky number 8. I'm so over it I'm not even going to shave. You heard me, I'm going in stubble and all.

So lets recap what we do know so far. I've had spotting that just seems to come and go, the most recent episode was yesterday. My dr ran a crazy amount of test last week that are now starting to roll in and I seem to have an elevated wbc count. Also the ph of something was off. Not a UTI, not yeast. So tomorrow I go in for another spread so they can narrow down what kind of infection I have.

Also, tomorrow my doppler arrives! Nothing eases the mind of a spotter like a heartbeat.

I'll update tomorrow when dr. number 8 has her head out of my crotch.

Time to remember

Today is the day the world sets aside to remember the lost babies we think of every day. My loss is on my mind and heart every single day, but today it seems like its okay to be open about the remaining sadness. I still wonder every day what that baby would have looked like. Would it have the deep laugh of my husband or my soft one. Being pregnant doesn't ease the hurt. They are people and cannot be replaced or duplicated. So today I will put everything else aside and light a candle in your honor. You were so deeply loved even though your stay was short.

I am also thinking of all of you and your babies. There is no sense in the unfairness of life sometimes, but today we are not alone. Know that when you are honoring your baby/babies tonight the rest of us are there with you.

Phew

ALL IS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been trying to update but blogger is being an ass.

We heard the heartbeat by doppler, and then she did an u/s just to ease my mind. There is a very active little one in there. As for the spotting it seems to be cervical. She ran tons of test and really wants to get to the bottom of this. I do too. The amount of cultures she took should be illegal. I should know more by friday.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Mr fatty believes they are what gets us through.

I had a dream last night that I went to the bathroom and noticed there was blood on my panties. While I was sitting there I passed a sac. I plunged my hand into the cold water and pulled it out. Inside there was a tiny little baby with fat cheeks smiling at me.

I woke up to cramps. This afternoon when I went to the bathroom and wiped there it was. Red is never a good color my friends. I am terrified my baby has died. I have an appointment tomorrow. Its going to be a long night.

white noise

I have finally figured out why most pregnant bloggers fade off for a bit. They are scared shitless. Seriously waiting for the other shoe to drop really sucks. Well that and I must admit there is a part of me that remembers the hurt that can come from reading someones fluffy pregnancy moments. I can't even think of my own without feeling a bit odd. So here I am, totally constipated, feeling like I'm about to hurl, and still bitter. I found it odd that I still feel such hatred for other womens ovaries. I will blame it on horomones, but really I just think that the bitterness of if doesn't go away. Everything else just kind of fades off into the background. At 8w I find no safety in where I'm at right now. I may feel better once I hit 12 w. I did however dream that I went to an appointment and they were able to hear the heartbeat by doppler, and it was loud. REALLY loud.

On to other matters. It is apple season and usually we go pick apples but this year that was a no go. So I bought some apples from the store and they were horrible. Cardboard in an apples body. I was rather upset by this so dh will be spending his afternoon hunting down some decent apples. I'm not a snob (okay I may be...about certain things) but how do people eat unripe fruit????

Halloweener is not too far away. I have mixed thoughts on this. I will miss out on the annual taking the herd of teenage girls to the haunted house and scaring them shitless outing. I went last year but didn't know I was pregnant at the time. Oh yeah, its getting close to that time and I have no idea how I'm going to feel about it. Also, every year I take it upon myself to scare the boys too. Last year I actually hid in the back of a van dressed like a gorilla for 10 minutes and waited until everyone was all setteled in to pop up and scream. The terror on their faces was priceless. Candy was thrown and screams were probably heard in china. I so love the yearly festivities, and will miss them this year. I know I'm baking a little sidekick to help me with future scarings so I am willing to sit this out.

Did I mention I electrocuted myself the other day? Well the stove did actually, which made dh flip out and so our new stove will be here this weekend. YAY. I guess thats pretty much a summary of life in the fatty household right now.