I know it isn't the best picture, but its hard to get a great angle when you only have one arm in use. This little ball of love came barelling along on the may 15th. I was finally induced after a few more kidney stones and just for good measure some suddenly high blood pressure. My labor was 10 hours and thank god I had an epidural for the last 45 minutes. Back labor blows. Seriously.

He was a whopping 8 lbs 14 oz and 21.5 inches at birth. He lost quite a bit due to being jaundiced, but was able to gain it back in no time. He will be 4 weeks tomorrow and weighs 10 lbs 7 oz, and is 23 inches long. Yep, we have a grower here.

Breastfeeding has helped me shed the baby weight pretty quickly and 30lbs are already gone. I feel like the last 10 will probably be a bit harder to get off. Oh and a note for everyone fixing to have babies....lactation consultants are your best friend. Use them. Love them.

To me it all still seems like a dream. I love him so much I just can't even put it into words. Its hard to believe this little one is finally here. There just aren't any words to describe what an amazing feeling this is. Suprisingly it has finally made mr. fatty feel the impact of our miscarriage. He went through a small period of mourning for the child we didn't have, and is now fully in love with the one that loves pooping everytime we remove his diaper.

I haven't been on much because I find this dark little room in the back of the house depressing. Its to quiet and stale. Part of my mission to ward off ppd has been to keep myself in a good place and part of that has ment spending a lot of time outside or camped out in the living room in front of the big windows. It has also been helpful to let my husband know how I'm feeling. Granted it can change dramaticly within minutes, but its still helpful. I feel like I've avoided the abyss I fell into last time. Mr. fatty is getting me a lap top and the house wifi ready so I can be in different areas of the house. Of course its not just for blogging purposes, it seems that bills and many emails have been neglected since I've boycotted this room. I will be on a lot more once I have the freedom to roam.

I'm off again. I will be back soon. Thank you all for all the support and well wishes. I never would have made it without them.

Best laid plans

I keep losing post!

He has arrived, hopefully this will show. Detailed post and pics coming as soon as this stupid site is fixed.

The elephant in the backseat

Forgive me all for the lack of post and comments but I'm still on borrowed a friends computer and just really don't have a lot of time to do anything at the moment. Dsl repairs are supposed to happen this week so lets all keep our fingers crossed. I'm getting caught up...just really slowly.

Sooooooo. We have completed all the classes and such and on Sunday went on the birth tour. Everything came to a screeching hault when the tour guide asked us all about our carseats. Hrm. Talk about being put on the spot, and getting slightly embarassed. So after the tour mr.fatty and I went into that babystore. You know, the big one that is all baby all up in your face. After much feeling and fabric discussions we picked one and off we went. It was okay when it was in the box, but something changed when we took it out of the box and he installed it. Now everytime I get in the car its like a 5 point harness rear facing elephant staring holes in the back of my head. I'm an emotional turtle and so it will take me a while to adjust but I will get there. Mr.fatty reminded me not to take too long because in less than 3 weeks the backseat elephant will have a passenger. SHIT. Could I really be that close? Well since I was starting to dialate at my last appointment and I have been losing bits of plug here and there I assume it is true.

I'm still working on a picture post, but am hesitant to sticky up my friends computer with useless pics so I will wait a few more days.

Off to try to catch up on some comments.

Are we there yet?

So sorry for the silence. It all started with the simple urge to get a new rug. It ended up with tearing out the living room walls, and in the process somehow totally destroying my dsl connection. Mr. fatty swears he didn't do it on purpose. So now I'm on the lengthy waiting list to have a hand dandy service man come out and fix it up. The house, however, looks fantastic. We remodeled the living room, guests room, and part of the garage. As you can tell its dangerous to have a nesting woman around and no nursery to focus on.

The pregnancy is going well. Had a bit of a scare and took a lovely trip to labor and delivery, but it just turned out to be two massive kidney stones. I swear I will never laugh at someone who has kidney stones again. Passing those was like having a volkswagon driven through my side. We have completed our childbirth classes and feel about as prepared as we can be.

I will be back as soon as I can with some pics of the new place.

Remember shortly after my miscarriage I found out my nephew and his wife (I consider her my niece, but not by blood) were having a baby and was due on my due date? I felt so much anger and hurt and honestly like they had somehow taken my baby from me. As time has gone on I have grown to love their little girl, and just recently wondered if their daughter and our son would be close as they were growing up. As my heart has started to heal we have become a lot closer as family, but still in the back of my head I always wondered why they got lucky first. They are young and since I'm 30 and mr. fatty is 40 we aren't exactly hot young things anymore.

Today we found out my nephew has lukemia. He is in his early 20's with a new baby and is scared to death he won't live to see her ride a bike. Family is being tested for bone marrow type, but still it will be a while before we know anything. Now I feel selfish and I am so glad their baby came first. I just can't imagine him not being here.

I guess I should update on the pregnancy too....we hit a bit of a bump in the road, but won't know more for a week or so. My ob thinks I have cholestasis. Yes I freaked out but nothing can be done until we are certain. So for now I itch and wait.

This has been a long week.

Today is brought to you by the letter

Yes, v as in viable. Believe it or not this was not the first thing on my mind. It was a call from the nurse that reminded me. She called to ask how the diet was going and to remind me of this important milestone. Have I mentioned I love my nurse?

I've been doing okay on the diet front. I lost 5 lbs almost instantly, but they said to expect that. I do feel craploads better. The only thing I miss is juice, and I suppose I can go 12 weeks without that. I suppose I should call and set up my childbirth class and hospital tour times. I'm still just dragging my feet. Two couples we are really close to are due around the same time I am and BOTH have their nurseries completed already. As they sit and talk about what kind of soap they used to wash everything I just kind of stare off into space. The showers are coming soon too. I really wish I knew if this feeling of shell shock is normal. Don't get me wrong. I am totally in love with this little boy already. I know he will be a night owl like his mom and judging by how much he moves during conan I'm guessing it will be one of his favorite shows too. But still. Its like my brain totally disconnected the idea of pregnancy= baby.

Speaking of pregnancy things that might be taboo....I don't know if I ever mentioned I had a pretty severe battle with ppd after my first. I always thought it was due to the fact that I was alone and unprepared, or that I had to go to work almost immediately or starve. But as I get closer I wonder...was it hormonally related? How do you prepare yourself for this? Maybe I'll ask mel to mention it for me. I'm sure I can't be the only one..right?

Quickie

Just a quick post tonight.

I've known since yesterday that my 3 hour gtt didn't go well. I only passed each hours (and fasting) cut off by one point. My dr is putting me on the gd diet and I will get my monitor next week. I'm also anemic. So why didn't I say anything? I was waiting until I had eaten my ritual valentines day chocolates. We are going out for dinner tonight and tomorrow I will have to gag down eggs for breakfast instead of my beloved cereal. I hope the diet (and iron supplements) will make me feel better because truth be known I've felt pretty crappy for a few weeks. Anyway I will deal with all that tomorrow. Tonight its all about the chicken.

Happy valentines day to all of you!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and I know I have a lot of comment catching up to do. I plan on doing it tomorrow when I am crawling my way through sugar withdrawl.

And now for a celebration of a different type

Have I ever mentioned that when I met mr fatty he was not all that responsible with money? And that he had a mind boggeling amount of debt? We have been paying it off forever. Today I am happy to say I just got done making the last payment. Yeah THAT last payment. We don't owe anyone anything. We are completely out of debt. If I could drink this would be totally toast worthy.

Double digits

Well we have less than 100 days left of incubation. To say I'm starting to feel a bit anxious is an understatement. We have renovation plans all laid out and are just waiting for the rain to lighten up a bit so we can get started. Well not we. Mr fatty and his golf buddies will be doing all the work while I will be in a suite at a local hotel reading tabloids and soaking in the tub. I know I know, it will be hard but I'll just have to suck it up and give it a try. I heard the hotel has massage therapist who do prenatal massage too. I might just have to give that a try too.

So it seems like the fatty fetus is keeping itself busy by trying to kick its way out of me and messing with my husbands head all at the same time. I can sit on the couch or lay in bed and the fatty fetus will just be rolling and bumping along but as soon as my husband lays a hand on my belly he goes totally still. What I can't figure out is how he knows its mr. fattys hand and not mine. Now mr. fatty did manage to sneak up on him the other morning and feel ONE kick. Yes one measly little foot jab. Before that you could watch my belly jump with movement. Hmmm. It truly is a question for the great minds to ponder isn't it?

I have to do the 3 hour gtt again on monday. Can you feel the excitement? We are skipping the one hour all together and just going for the gold. Mr. fatty will be coming with me so we can play cards and take turns jumping on the scale to see who has gained the most during this pregnancy. He has gained 20, but what he doesn't know is that I have gained *cough* thirty some odd*cough* ..... Having lost 90 lbs that sucks. Its a third of what took me a year to get off. I eat well, I just think going off the met and being on pelvic rest ( so no exercise ) blubbered me out.

Eh, time to go eat...

Today was brought to you by the number

I never thought I would reach this point. Ever. But I'm starting to become a tad bit more comfortable. My dreams have gone from being dead baby dreams to breastfeeding and stinky diaper dreams. Beyond that I find that the doubts about this pregnancy are starting to remain in the back of my head and only forcing their way forward about once a day instead of being the only thing on my mind.

I should update about the u/s too. Little fatty decided to cooperate and not only showed all his spine, but just simply would not be still. We are talking flips, rolls, punches and kicks. The tech was nice enough to keep scanning and let us watch for a bit. I've seen my chart and the ones from the beginning to about 14 weeks are just full of spotting and bleeding. But whatever reason she chose to let us watch a bit longer than normal I accept it and am so greatful. Little fatty did do the customary legs up and open shot so we did get absolute confirmation that this little one is packing a penis.

Did I mention we are not having a shower? It's really pissing a lot of people off too. I may be getting more comfortable with the entire pregnancy thing, but I'm still not comfortable enough to throw a party for a baby that isn't here yet. We are having a big party after the baby is bornwhich we will combine it with the traditional buddhist celebration. We aren't buying anything beforehand either. Gasp! Well we are going to get a car seat and a few outfits, but nothing else. Mr. fatty and middle fatty (our 8 year olds new nickname) will go out and do the shopping for little fatty. They are excited to go out and do this. Mr.fatty said it makes him feel more involved since the moms are the focus during pregnancy and birth.

Thats really it. Life is pretty dull in the fatty household right now and I'm loving it.

Screw google

So tomorrow @ 7:30 is another scan. Today I called the clinic to recheck my afp results just to make sure I had nothing to worry about. Risk of downs was less than normal, risk of nueral (that is probably spelled wrong) defects was not elevated. So why the hell wasn't it less than normal too. Being the idiot I am I started to google normal afp results and spina bifida. The obvious down side to that was being caught off gaurd by pictures of post mortem babies with spina bifida, but also seeing that certain types are not routinely caught by the afp screening. I'm still terrified that something is wrong. Its hard to believe he is that stubborn already. I so desperately need him to turn so we can view his spine tomorrow. I'm stepping away from the computer now before my head explodes.

And the winner is.....

For stubborn fetus of the year.....

The fatty family fetus.

Oh yes, did I forget to pop in and mention that at the u/s last week he was sound asleep? We are talking bear in the middle of winter type sleep. He just wouldn't budge, let alone flip over and let us see his spine. We go in again on thursday. Wish us luck.

Now I have a confession to make. Even though my friends think I'm nuts I have to admit I truly love having kaiser insurance. I know that not everyone has great experiences with them but I have. Whenever I felt off, spotted, or started bleeding there was no hesitation to do whatever it took to put my mind at ease. And may I add that my midwife is one of the few that understand why I just cannot relax until I hit the 28 week point. She understands in my mind that there is a huge difference between being pregnant and bringing home a baby.

Not much else going on will report back after the u/s on thursday. Wish us some spine viewing vibes.

The 5 day wait

5 more days until round two of flip the baby. I've found that applesauce and or orange juice makes him go nuts so I plan on going in full loaded. I'm hoping that he will cooperate and show us the other view of his spine so I don't have that weighing on the back of my mind.

As for new years, I have no resolutions this year. Mine have always been weight or fertility related and so this year I'm taking a breather. No expectations. What I can tell you is that I am so happy 2007 is done.

Besides that all is quiet in the fatty household. The only exciting thing has been my episode with the epilator, but really who wants to hear about that?

I'm thinking of starting a password protected off shoot of this blog that has pictures and such so that I can post them, but still feel like its not all out there for the world to see. I will probably get it going the next time my lovely insomnia hits.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season.

Updates

I really don't post a lot anymore and its not because of a lack of things to say. Its just hard to. Its also hard for me to post comments to certain blogs because as much as I want to reach out it almost feels like being an imposter. Its hard to tell someone you can relate to their pain when I can feel the baby kick and they are still struggling for a bfp. Regardless of all of this I am finally going to update.

I have been feeling movement for a few weeks now and it is amazing. Seems to happen more at night when I'm trying to sleep so I just lay there and am completely amazed.

Cervix seems good @ 3.9 and tightly closed.

My morning sickness has turned to mind blowing fatigue and nipples that feel like razor blades are sticking out of them.

I'm very emotional. VERY emotional. Just ask my poor husband.

Oh yeah, that thing where I said I probably wouldn't have sex until close to the due date? I'm a total liar pants because just days after getting the clearance we started going at it like rabbits. I find it both amazing and odd the fascination my husband has with this new body of mine. Granted he is a boob and butt man and right now I've got plenty of both, but I thought it might weird him out. Makes me feel better about myself though, which I need considering my hair is in a constant frizz now and my skin looks like I just hit puberty.

Hmmmmmmmm, oh yeah, we had the 20w scan. I'm the proud owner of a penis and set of balls people. Proudly displayed right away. As a matter of fact the baby was scratching its bottom too. Seriously a perfect replica of mr. fatty. We did however have a hard time getting both views of the spine so I have to go back in two weeks. The tech said not to worry and that it was normal, but I think we all know I went into worry overdrive. Now I find myself in a 2ww of a different sort. I'm trying to remain calm. I have the best picture of the baby smiling at us. I will try and scan it in soon.

Nothing like a kick to the teeth first thing in the morning

I remember why I don't like morning news now. I'm sure everyone knows by now that britney spears' 16 year old sister is expecting. I'm just speechless.