Sniff

When I was younger my favorite past time was getting messed up. I prefered the subtle mind blowing yet intense body high of oregon shrooms, but I would do just about anything layed in front of me. I had a partner in trouble named Ben. Now Ben and I met while working at a store that sold a variety of everything from dildos to teddy bears. Over the years we developed a deep friendship that I will admit was based around getting high. I loved to listen to his poetry and opinions on the world. Unfortunately I messed it up.

We remained friends after I got sober and had my son and got a job. All the responsible things that parents do. He even met my now husband and approved. So what was the problem? I lied to him. It was over something stupid and was totally uneeded but I did it anyway. I lost touch with him after that. Phone calls stopped, he moved on, I moved on. I miss him lately. I miss his friendship a lot and I am sorry I messed it up. If I ever see you again Ben I will consider myself blessed.

I didn't always make the smartest choices. I could make a list about 100 miles long, but couldn't we all. Anyway.

Today was cold as hell. I went out without my jacket and thought some of my bits would fall off before I even got the van door open. I did take joy in the fact that my sons mouth now resembles all the jackolanterns on porches since his tooth fell out. I wish I remembered being that age but honestly I don't remember anything until I was about 10, and even then its a bit sketchy. My son remembers us going to seaworld when he was 2. I can't remember where I put my damn keys.